Thread
by Monoshiri
Summary: In a future where Sound, Leaf, and Sand are forging an alliance and the ninja world is poised on the brink of war, three men meet and play a game...AU, futurefic, threesome, yaoi, Kankurou x Kidoumaru x Shikamaru. Not, that's not a typo.
1. Spinning

_**Author's Note:** This story is set in an alternate universe, based around certain conceits, the first among them being that a pairing so completely out of left field could be made to work in an emotional and logical context. It didn't work the first time, as a few of my readers politely and kindly pointed out. Hence, I've altered the pacing and rewritten everything past the initial Kidoumaru versus Shikamaru shougi game, hopefully with more believable and IC results and more realistic pacing. Immense gratitude to Kimi no Vanilla, Maldoror, and celerystalksatmidnight for your time and constructive reviewing._

The premise of the AU, built around a scenario where Kidoumaru, Kankuro, and Shikamaru would be able to meet without being expected to kill each other, is this: the Sound Four take heavy damage from the Konoha pursuit team, but survive and are rehabilitated by Kabuto. Sasuke goes on to become their default leader as well as Orochimaru's prize and future container; when Orochimaru is killed four years later by Tsunade and Jiraiya working in concert before he can transfer bodies, instead of returning to Hidden Leaf, Sasuke takes over Hidden Sound through a combination of guile and pure power, intending to use the position to gain further knowledge and strength in his quest to destroy Itachi. Tsunade, crippled by Orochimaru, returns to Hidden Leaf and lays the mantle of Hokage on Naruto, much to the council's and local lords' dismay. Over the two years Naruto struggles as the Leaf's greatest warrior, Sasuke's rule over the Sound becomes less centred on his own desire for power and more focussed on building a real, viable hidden village with trade, agriculture, and a civilian population from the disjointed lair that it once was. Naruto, with his fellow Kage Gaara's encouragement, broaches diplomatic talks with Sound, and Sasuke warily agrees to cease hostilities, and perhaps even form an alliance. As the three villages begin their talks, around them another ninja world war is brewing...

**Threads**

_Chapter 1: Spinning_

It never should have happened in the first place. Events didn't usually run so drastically counter to the combination of circumstance and probability. A plus B equaled C, and this move would take that one of your opponent's pieces.

It shouldn't have happened, and it could only prove troublesome in the end.

It wasn't supposed to happen, but it did, and it happened like this...

The meeting between the Hokage, the Kazekage, and the leader of Otogakure was long, tense, drawn-out, and peppered with swearwords (the Hokage's, mostly), sneers (generally from Oto's commander) and bleak stares (the Kazekage's habitual domain). Oto needed food and medical supplies, and Konoha and Suna needed the assistance of Oto's terrifying arsenal of jutsus and skilled shinobi in their ongoing war against the Mizu-Kumo alliance.

The Hokage was not a skilled negotiator. He was of the opinion that the Sand-Leaf alliance should just give Sound whatever raw materials and medicine they needed, and in turn the shinobi of Sound would help them kick some ass when called on. TheSound's commander, on hearing this particular summary of grade-two diplomacy, lost his acidic cool and referred to the strongest warrior of the Leaf as "dribbling moron", which prompted the Kazekage to dump half a ton of sand on the negotiating table and all over the treaty papers as a warning. The head of the Hyuuga clan, who had been speaking with Temari and Sakon of the Western Gate, had rushed in to calm matters down, and the proceedings had been put on hold until it could be assured that Naruto and Sasuke would not attack each other across the table, with Gaara possibly thrown into the equation.

Which was how Kankuro had initially found himself outside the Hokage's tower in the pale sunshine of Leaf's early spring, the lone member of the Sand delegation who wasn't trying to talk Gaara down. The three available members of Sasuke's guard were seated on the tower's first-level roof, talking quietly among themselves. Kankuro leaned back against the warm stone wall of the tower and idly tried to listen in. After about thirty seconds, he wished he hadn't; even five years with the jounin squadrons of Suna hadn't exposed him to the kind of verbal venom the sole female Oto shinobi was casually spewing in the general direction of her comrades, her commanding officer, and everything that was holding up the negotiation proceedings in general. He was torn between plugging his ears and trying to find paper and writing utensils so as to take notes and look some of the more choice vocabulary up later.

"Horrible, isn't it?"

Kankuro glanced over at the man who had spoken, who responded to the questioning look by leaning against the wall, plopping into a boneless seated position with his knees on the same level as his ears, and burying his nose in a book. Kankuro stared down at the top of his head; he'd talked to Nara Shikamaru occasionally in the past, but the lazy chuunin had always seemed to get along better with Temari, so the fact that he'd gone and sought Kankuro out was a bit surprising. "Yo. What are you out here for?"

"I'd rather listen to that foul-mouthed woman than hang around inside the tower and listen to Naruto froth, especially where there's a potential of someone pulling out an S-level technique and trying to kill someone else."

Kankuro eyed the seated man beadily. "Oh, so you're going to stay out here where it's safe and leave my poor sister and that insanely shy Hyuuga woman in the negotiating room to face any potential explosion?"

"Yep, that's about the size of it," Shikamaru said coolly. "Especially considering you've also left your 'poor sister' down there and snuck off same as me."

Kankuro had to grin at that. "Alright, so you caught me out. Is it just me, or did it suddenly get quieter around here?"

His question was answered when he looked back up at the roof and found himself staring into an amused face that was less than eight inches above his own. Kankuro was trained enough that he didn't actually respond by poking the other guy's eyes out with a kunai; instead, he frowned slightly. This seemed to strike the intruder as highly entertaining, as he indulged in a badly-hidden snicker, which allowed Kankuro (and as the Sand jounin noted out of the corner of his eye, Shikamaru had closed his book as he was eyeing the newcomer as well) to identify the drop-in visitor with dark skin, six arms, and a Sound forehead protector. Kudamaru? Keidamaru? Something like that. He was hanging from the gutter of the roof by two thick white strings of webbing, gymnast-style: Kankuro mentally pegged the guy as a bit of a show-off, and waited.

The Sound guy stopped snickering long enough to grin widely at his two-man audience. "Heh, sorry, I just can't believe there's still someone out here. All the other Sand and Leaf guys covered their ears and left pretty much as soon as Tayuya opened her mouth. You guys must either be deaf or total gluttons for punishment."

"Tayuya," Shikamaru said calmly, as if he had conversations with upside-down easily-amused enemy ninja twelve times daily. "How appropriate. I'd be surprised if such a brutal woman was named something like 'Hanako'."

"Oi, do you two know each other?" Kankuro asked Shikamaru, because he still wasn't sure what to make of this new guy, and anyways that creepy grin was starting to get on his nerves. Shikamaru sighed and put his nose back in his book.

Spider-guy, on the other hand, was not so uncommunicative: with a flick of his wrists, he turned a backflip at the same time as he let go of his threads, landing lightly on the balcony railing in a crouch, four arms settling crossed over his knees, the other two knotted behind his head in a stretching gesture. Right-side-up, he looked a little more normal as he eyed Kankuro and Shikamaru speculatively, but by this time the former had crossed 'a bit of a show-off' off his mental notes and replaced it with 'serious show-off, potential to be a dick-head'. "Yeah, we know each other; I tried to kill him a couple of times when I was fourteen." He grinned. "Never worked. Who would have thought a complaining, theatrical guy like that would survive more than five minutes in a real fight?"

Face still mostly covered by the book, Shikamaru waved vaguely in the spider guy's direction. "I guess I have to introduce you since I know you both...man, what a pain. Kankuro, this is Kidoumaru of the Sound, he likes to drop out of nowhere and creep people out. Kidoumaru, this is Kankuro of the Sand, okay guy, used to date his older sister. Don't kill each other any time soon."

"Not unless somebody tells me to," Kidoumaru said cheerfully. "Hey, are you reading porn?"

"No." Shikamaru directed the cover of the book, _Early Shinobi Education, _in Kidoumaru's direction. The Sound ninja looked mildly disappointed. Kankuro just rolled his eyes.

"Juvenile."

"Funny comment coming from a guy who wears makeup and plays with oversized dolls," Kidoumaru answered, and this time Kankuro didn't bother to suppress his urge to deck the guy one, or attempt to, because the damn bug bastard simply flung himself backwards off the balcony and hung off in space, dangling by a thread as he smirked cheerfully up at Kankuro. "Man, that was pretty lame. I was hoping you'd be more fun in a fight, but if that's all you got..." Whatever Kidoumaru's assessment was, Kankuro wasn't about to find out: the balcony railing that the thread was anchored to was old and rusty. He braced his hands on either side of the thread and leaned most of his weight on the bar, which shuddered and bent with a squeal of protest, whereupon he went back to the wall and sat down beside Shikamaru, not really interested in how his nonverbal warning had been taken. The chuunin sighed and put his book away.

"I was hoping for you two to be a bit less adversarial."

"Hey, you're the one whose team the bastard tried to take out. Shouldn't you be a little less, I dunno, amiable?"

"It's hard to really hate the guy once you've played Shougi with him a few times, even if he is a bit troublesome."

"Once you've _what?"_

_x x x x x x _

"Played Shougi," Shikamaru said mildly as Kidoumaru sat down cross-legged on the opposite chair and started picking the pieces onto the board with thirty careful fingers. Kankuro stole a chair from one of the other tables, ignoring the dirty look from the salon proprietor, and spun it around backwards so he could sit and easily rest his arms on the back and his chin on his hands. "You know, nine by nine board, nine pawns, that sort of thing?"

"I _know _what Shougi is, I'm not an idiot," Kankuro grumbled. "I'm also not sure why you wanted me to come along and watch this crap. I don't even like board games."

"Well..."

"Think of it as an apology for trying to bang my skull against the tower yesterday," Kidoumaru said casually, setting the last silver in place. "By the way, I stick to walls, you know."

"Next time maybe I'll just find a largish toilet and flush you down that," Kankuro muttered, before pointedly directing the next question to Shikamaru. "So you're telling me you can stand this guy because you've been playing some old man's game with him for the whole week the Sound delegation's been in town?"

"That, and complaining about the combined pig-headedness of my Hokage and his Uchiha," Shikamaru said, adjusting a pawn past a lance for his first move.

All subsequent conversation was pretty much killed by the intensity of the ensuing game. Kankuro hadn't been lying much when he said he wasn't fond of board games, but when he and Temari were younger and had a minute, they'd spent occasional afternoons kicking each other's butts via their father's ancient Shougi set (and if the results were in question due to some of Temari's pieces disappearing during her bathroom break, butt-kicking was often taken to a more literal level), and neither of them were actually bad. But he'd never seen a game played at this level or degree of seriousness. Kidoumaru's obnoxious grin had vanished totally, his eyes clocking and carefully analyzing every move of Shikamaru's, while the Konoha chuunin's expression tensed slightly, his gaze alert, a small smile beginning to form on his lips as he took one of Kidoumaru's rooks with a bishop.

Kankuro's attention turned eventually from the players to the board: human expression was of interest to him, but as a puppeteer, he wasn't one to totally ignore the plot of the play in favour of the minutiae of the actors' movements. What he saw there was of considerably more interest anyways: their styles of strategy were telling. Kidoumaru was approaching the game as one would a full-scale war, conducting maneuvers and responding to attacks with quick defenses, probing weaknesses and tearing them open, and he had taken more of Shikamaru's pieces than the other had of his. The shadow-user, on the other hand, was playing very differently, eyeing every one of his opponent's moves, then laying his own pieces as if they didn't matter...but the pattern that was beginning to emerge...

Kidoumaru took one of Shikamaru's golds with a satisfied expression. "Gotcha. I can win this one in three more moves if I like: what do you think of that?"

Shikamaru stayed silent, staring at the board. Kankuro wasn't good on silence. "Whaddaya mean, 'gotcha'? Look closer: he can crush you in two moves. He's got your king."

Kidoumaru looked at the board once more. Then he looked at Kankuro, eyes narrowing slightly. "I'd call you a bald-faced liar, but you're wearing too much makeup for that."

"It's kabuki paint," Kankuro said with a grin. "And now you're just being a sore loser."

"Me?" It wasdisconcerting watching someone point to themselves with three arms. "No, I see where he's got me, that's not what I meant: the fact that Mr. "I'm not much for board games" noticed a critical hole in my strategic defenses before I did, on the other hand..."

"It is kind of funny, isn't it?" Shikamaru said, that odd little smile still on his lips. "Well, do you give up?"

"Until next time," Kidoumaru said with a grin. Then he turned to Kankuro. "And I expect you'll join us then, right?"

"I'll think about it," the puppeteer said with as much nonchalance as he could muster, in the face of that kind of smile, belonging to someone with that kind of mind. He posited briefly that if Kidoumaru and Shikamaru had been born in Sand, old Chiyo wouldn't have hesitated to teach them the kugutsu craft, and he entertained notions of what it would be like to fight side-by-side with either man or both before dismissing them out of hand. "Bet this gets boring after a few run-throughs, though."

"What, with _him?" _Kidoumaru gestured at Shikamaru as he got to his feet, still smiling, and Kankuro was inclined to think that maybe the Sound jounin wasn't as big of a jackass as he'd initially thought. "Shougi's never boring if I'm playing against him. Might get bored with you, though. We'll see."

He was out of the salon before Kankuro could throw a retort at his back. Shrugging, the puppeteer turned to say goodbye to Shikamaru, who was still staring intently at the board. Shikamaru noticed Kankuro's expression and covered for himself by rolling his eyes. "That guy...he overestimates me, you know."

"Yeah, well, like he said, we'll see," Kankuro said with a lackadaisical half-salute at his Leaf ally. "Jan."

He heard Shikamaru's short, soft "cheh" as he left.

x x x x x x x

_Shikamaru had been lying to Kankuro when he said that all he and Kidoumaru talked about was annoying village leaders._

_The first time the two of them met directly under circumstances where they weren't expected to kill each other was on the first day of Leaf and Sound's negotiations, when Kidoumaru had invaded the corner of the Village leaders' conference room that Shikamaru had claimed as his own, and proceeded to hang upside-down from the ceiling in a most disconcerting manner, watching the proceedings with a particularly odd smirk, which only got wider as Sasuke butted heads with Naruto._

_It finally got a bit much for the chuunin. "Oi, could you move or something? Only it's distracting having you hanging off the rafters like that right over my head."_

_Kidoumaru looked up—or rather down—at him, as if just noticing him. "You're Tayuya's shit-rat, right?"_

_"And you're the sick bastard whose idea of fun is playing carnival games with pointy objects and live targets," Shikamaru said archly. "Yeah, I remember you pretty clearly."_

_"I'm flattered," the darker man said, the smirk not leaving his face. "So, who do you figure's going to be the first one to pull a Super-S-ranked technique because he didn't get his way? My money's on Sasuke-sama, but then your boss seems like a pretty big hot-head as well..."_

_"I suggest you consider carefully before speaking so freely about my Hokage," Shikamaru told him, voice level._

_The Sound jounin cocked his head with slight interest, his eyes dispassionate. "Hou? You sound cranky. Did I kick your puppy or something?"_

_"If you're not going to go away, I'll move myself." Shikamaru pushed off the wall and nodded acknowledgement to Genma, who was guarding the conference room door, before exiting the room and pulling a confused Ino off her smoking break. The blonde wrinkled her nose at her old friend when he explained to her that it was "getting too damn noisy" in there._

_"You're so full of it sometimes. So what is it, really?"_

_"It's this troublesome bastard from Sound hanging off the ceiling and acting like a..." Shikamaru stopped himself, briefly surprised at his own vehement annoyance. Ino raised her eyebrows._

_"You're letting some guy from Sound get to you? Shikamaru, you're the guy who napped right through one of Suna no Temari's temper tantrums! I'm kind of unimpressed that one jerk can throw you off."_

_"He's the Eastern Gate of the Sound Four."_

_Ino went very quiet for a moment or two, as the specter of broken bodies and a beloved comrade practically skeletonized passed between them. Then she puffed herself up a bit as she usually did and gave him that big, smug 'I'm so much cooler than you' grin. "Well! If that's the case, I'd be happy to take over in there so I can ogle the Sound's cute boss and some of his sexy bodyguards. Your loss, as usual. Anyways, I think Chouji's off guard duty in half an hour and he'll want some lunch, so maybe you can catch him on the way and get yakiniku, right?"_

_Shikamaru had to smile a bit, though he covered it up quickly. The woman could be impossibly troublesome, but at times like these she made up for it with that annoying emotional radar of hers. "Yeah, yeah, trust you to take the option that lets you look at something pretty."_

_"Oh, get going!" Ino gave him a mock shove and sauntered off towards the conference room, dropping her cigarette and crushing it underfoot._

_Shikamaru's half-smile disappeared as he watched her go; he didn't address the ceiling until he was certain she'd gone in and shut the door with proper accompanying seals. "Didn't anyone ever teach you that it's rude to eavesdrop? More to the point, shouldn't you be inside taking care of that damn Sasuke guy?"_

_The wooden timbers of the hallway ceiling rippled and realigned themselves into a twenty-one-year-old male shinobi in a loose, dark sleeveless uniform, all six hands braced against the rafters on either side of him and an expression on his face that was resolving itself from sneering into calculating. "So you knew I was here all along, then? And what's this about eavesdropping? I'm a ninja, of course I wasn't taught not to eavesdrop. I wanted another word with you."_

_"Did my actually bothering to get up and walk away not give you enough of a clue that I don't?"_

_"Hey, you should be a little more receptive. I don't usually get interested in boring trash, but you've developed a bit of a reputation over the years, Nara Shikamaru, and naturally it got back to me."_

_"I'm honoured." Shikamaru made a show of looking at his non-existant watch. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm meeting a friend of mine for lunch."_

_"You mean the fatass?"_

_"Don't call him that."_

_Kidoumaru blinked, obviously caught by surprise. For his part, Shikamaru sighed and cursed himself inwardly for snapping at the guy. This sort of scene only generated problems._

_"Look, I don't care what you do, I'd just prefer that you either talk to me briefly, or leave me alone and quit following me around on the ceiling like some kind of deranged beetle. That's it." Shikamaru held up both hands in a placating gesture._

_Kidoumaru continued to examine him as if just seeing him properly, with an intensity that was almost unnerving. Shikamaru dropped his hands and turned to walk away._

_"Hey, hold on a minute. Do you play games?"_

_Shikamaru paused, almost unwillingly, and turned to look up at the Sound ninja, whose expression was surprisingly serious. "Yeah, once in a while."_

_"What kind? Board games, tabletop RPGs...?"_

_"Shougi's favourite, usually, but I'll play Go once in a while if there's an interesting opponent. Why?"_

_"Pay me back."_

_Shikamaru blinked. "What?"_

_"Pay me back for calling your friend names," Kidoumaru suggested cheerfully. "Play a game of shougi with me and beat me, if you can."_

_"Chouji doesn't need me to defend his honour," Shikamaru retorted._

_"Or maybe he just doesn't have any worth defending," the Sound shinobi replied casually. Shikamaru felt the dull stirrings of anger begin to roil in his gut._

_"Has anyone ever told you that you're a really unpleasant bastard?"_

_"Yep." Kidoumaru pushed off the ceiling and landed in an artlessly graceful tangle of limbs in front of Shikamaru, rocking to his feet with every extremity under his perfect control. The Leaf chuunin was a bit surprised to note that the Sound shinobi was only an inch taller than him; he projected greater stature through his posture, an interesting physiological trick that Shikamaru often employed the reverse of. Kidoumaru seemed to be sizing him up as well._

_Shikamaru made himself calm down. All this guy wanted was a game with him, even if he was going about it in probably the most roundabout way Shikamaru had ever encountered. Still... "Just so you know in advance, I don't like you much, and I probably never will, especially if you keep making remarks about Chouji. I'll play one game with you, but don't get mad and start summoning tarantulas or something when you lose."_

_Kidoumaru's eyes narrowed. "Aren't you a cocky little fuck."_

_"It's not cocky, just logical," Shikamaru informed him. "And there probably won't be a Game #2, especially considering you're one of the most troublesome people I've ever run across, and that category includes everything with ovaries."_

_"Hey, I know you're a super-genius and all that, but don't predict a game's outcome before you're even certain what you're up against," Kidoumaru warned him with a nasty little smirk. "I'll meet you at the shougi salon just off that pokey little ramen stand down the street tomorrow morning. Don't show up late, we value punctuality in Hidden Sound."_

_"Really? I thought arrogance and a bad attitude were the favoured traits over there."_

_"In that case, you'd fit right in. Time for me to get back to the conference and make sure Sasuke-sama doesn't paste that loud-mouth Hokage of yours in the chops." Kidoumaru phased out with a little wave just as Shikamaru glared at him._

_The Leaf shinobi settled down quickly as soon as the source of his tension was gone. Okay, so this guy was an asshole, but what of it? He wanted one game of shougi, one of the few things in life Shikamaru really took an interest in. Worst-case scenario was, the guy would be a dud and he'd end up destroying him quickly and Chouji's honour would be vindicated._

_Speaking of Chouji, he needed to go meet him for lunch. Maybe the Korean place they liked would have the outdoor tables set up by now, so they could eat and watch the clouds at the same time._

_The best-case scenario was...what? Asuma-sensei was a more than decent shougi player, and he'd never even come close to beating Shikamaru. A visiting grand master of the game had given Shikamaru a bit of trouble one afternoon, but he'd ended up beating the guy anyways (and man, that had been embarrassing and long-winded, and he'd desperately wanted to throw the match in the other player's favour and go home, but Ino and Asuma had been watching him intently for any signs of chickening out, so he'd had to play it through). What if this guy was pretty good? He'd read some of the reports on Sound's military and political ascension, and they included some canny tactical maneuvers. Sasuke's doing, or this guy's?_

_He'd find out tomorrow. Maybe he could make the game more challenging by trying to last the whole time without seeing his first and most overwhelming failure as a leader, as a strategist, and as a friend staring him in the face._

_…_

_He ended up besting Kidoumaru by what felt like a hair's breadth. Really, it was by three pieces, but as Shikamaru examined the board and then his opponent's face, he felt as if it had been...closer. Kidoumaru eyed his lost game for a moment or two, flexed his shoulders back, cracked his knuckles, and sighed._

_"Huh, no exaggeration, you are good." He looked up at Shikamaru with a slow smile. "So...rematch?"_

_Shikamaru agreed, but only just._

_x x x x xx x_

As it turned out, Kidoumaru mopped the floor with Kankuro's proverbial ass during their first game. He really was very good, the puppeteer admitted grumpily to himself (although he'd eat Kuro-ari before admitting it to anyone else), but the bugger wasn't making matters better by staring across the board at him like that. Shikamaru was across the salon, playing against a particularly ancient codger who kept darting suspicious glances in Kankuro's direction. Kidoumaru proceeded to clear off the board and reset the pieces with aplomb.

Kankuro raised an eyebrow at him. "Hey, what makes you think we're going on to round two?"

"You're not _completely _boring," Kidoumaru said calmly. "Your moves are unconventional and that's enough to keep me on my toes, although," and here he looked up at the older man with a knowing smirk, "you made some pretty stupid decisions when I cornered you, here and here. Now why is that, I wonder?"

"Because I'm not a super-genius, nor am I obsessed with board games," Kankuro said coldly. "And quit smiling like that, it's really starting to get on my nerves."

"Aw, am I creeping you out? So sorry, Kankuro_-sama, _I promise to behave myself from now on."

Kankuro resisted a very strong urge to take the shougi board and thump Kidoumaru over the head with it, because he'd been acting like that the _entire game_; bully tactics weren't his style, hadn't been since he was fourteen years old, and he suspected that demonstrations of physical force wouldn't intimidate the spider-nin in the least. He made himself relax. _A puppeteer's greatest attribute is the ability to mirror what his audience is thinking and feeling. So, asshole, what's on your mind?_

"You? Creep _me _out? I got over thinking extra limbs and a weird expression were scary when I was about four years old," Kankuro sneered across the table at him. His hand hovered over the laid-out pieces for a moment before settling in on the seventh pawn. _Click. _"Funny, but you kind of remind me of Karasu, actually," Kankuro went on, "scary as hell until you figure out how it works and where the traps are, and then...well, it's just empty threat, a wooden doll. Someone's toy."

Something flickered in Kidoumaru's eyes. "You know, if you hadn't obviously intended that as an insult, I'd accuse you of hitting on me."

Kankuro blinked as Kidoumaru prodded his own pawn into the open field of the board. _Click. _"Oh yeah?"

Kidoumaru responded with a very slow smile. "Of course. Comparing me to a legendary _kugutsu ningyo _renowned as the most dangerous walking trap machine in existence? That'd keep me warm on cold nights, _except," _and here the smile made the full twist from mockingly sensual to predatory to nonexistent, "you called me an _empty threat_, and that just pisses me off."

"Aw, did I hurt your feelings? So sorry," Kankuro purred across the table, deliberately mimicking Kidoumaru's earlier tone. _Click. _Inside, he wasn't allowing himself to feel triumph; he was allowing the reflection, playing off the ego, oh and it was there, it had to be, the Four may have matured and learned but they were still Sasuke's living armor and that bespoke a certain...arrogance of status.

"Yeah, you will be." _Click._

_Click._

The game was over in twenty minutes. This time, Kankuro had lost by less, but he and Kidoumaru spent the whole time they weren't tracking the board staring at each other, analyzing. This time, Kidoumaru set the pieces aside entirely instead of replacing them on the board, propping all six elbows on the table and regarding Kankuro coldly. "You know, it took some doujutsu kid with girly hair nuking my internal organs like so many fried eggs to get me to realize that it's a shitty idea to underestimate your opponents. Maybe I should teach you the same lesson, since you obviously didn't grasp that when they were teaching you to apply all that cute face-paint."

"Oh, I've had that one," Kankuro drawled, mentally supplying _on the wrong end of Sasori of the Red Sand's stinger. _"But I'm sure a refresher course wouldn't hurt _you. _What were you thinking of?"

Kidoumaru told him. Kankuro considered it.

"I'd suggest going further out. The training areas are going to be full of incompetent genin and mildly suicidal Academy brats. How does the Forest sound?"

Kidoumaru's smile came back. "That sounds _just _fine."

"I've seen that smile," Shikamaru said, raising his voice a little to be heard from his table. "That's the 'I'm going to disembowel someone' smile. What are you up to over there?"

"Nothing," Kankuro called back before Kidoumaru could answer. It wasn't that he felt mildly protective of Shikamaru in this instance, hell no, but he suspected that the Leaf shinobi would object to his two foreign acquaintances breaking into a restricted area of Konoha for a weaponized version of a very nasty pissing contest. "He's just being a jerk, is all. Mind coming over and kicking him around some for me? I can't seem to get him, I'd swear he's sneaking my pieces when I'm not looking."

"Really?" Shikamaru enquired, rising and bowing briefly to his aged opponent, who muttered something at the younger man and began putting his board away. "Funny, Temari always said that was _your _bad habit."

"So she's still ratting me out, huh?" Kankuro said with a weak grin as Kidoumaru stared blankly at him, before hastily changing the subject. "So what's up with the geezer? He's been staring over here all afternoon; does he want to ask bug-boy here out on a date or something?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "Um, that's Mr. Oyagi. He's kind of senile..."

"So?"

"He says he doesn't mind a few extra extremities, but he thinks I should avoid men who wear lipstick."

Kankuro blinked. "He—what? It's Kabuki paint, for the love of all that's holy!"

Shikamaru shrugged again. "He's a Noh aficionado. He thinks Kabuki's uncouth."

"Oh, that's _it!" _Kankuro got up so fast his chair clattered, ready to defend his favoured art form.

"Hey, careful, you're showing soft underbelly there," Kidoumaru remarked, not bothering to hide a little semi-smile as Kankuro shot a scowl at him.

"_Later." _The Sand jounin stalked over to the table where Mr. Oyagi was still sitting and started to explain how it was _not _lipstick; the oldster shook his head disparagingly and began a counter-lecture on how people were going to get the wrong idea about Kankuro's sexual orientation if he ran around in all that heavy eyeliner and blusher.

Shikamaru smiled, just a little. "He's a bit blind as well." He took Kankuro's seat without a hint of embarrassment. "I'm not, however, nor am I deaf. You two were baiting each other."

Kidoumaru contrived to look innocent. Shikamaru just looked at him. The Sound jounin conceded after a moment. "Alright, so what if we were? If I thought you'd give me a better fight outside of a shougi board, I'd try to get under your skin, too."

"You think I'm weak?" Shikamaru pulled the pieces out of their box, toying with them idly. "You're right."

Kidoumaru frowned. "Maybe I should try to piss you off more often."

"I'd prefer you didn't, although I'd like to know why you're trying to set Kankuro off while walking softly around me. You haven't said anything about my team mates, for instance, since the first time we met."

"Well, why should I? Your fatass is still fat. The blonde chick who harasses you two periodically is still unreasonably hot. Why expand on that?"

Shikamaru tilted his head to one side slightly, considering. "I'd like to know what you're trying to hide."

"You and half the kunoichi ANBU corps..."

"Kidoumaru."

The Sound ninja looked up at him, face for once totally inscrutable. "You first."

"_I'm_ not hiding anything. What you see is what you get: a lazy-ass bastard with no guts."

"Or a fairly decent liar."

"Eh?"

Kidoumaru leaned in over the board slightly; Shikamaru leaned back. "Me and the rest of the guys, we have a—a theory, for lack of a better word, about our curse seals, although you might call it a superstition. We figure, the seal doesn't turn you into a monster, it just brings out the monster that was already in there...which is why Jiroubou's Level Two form looks almost normal, whereas me 'n the twins won't ever win any beauty contests when we take that form. You know what I think I see? I think," and here he jabbed his finger to within a hairsbreadth of Shikamaru's chest; it paused there only because the Leaf shinobi clapped both hands around the digit to capture it and gave its owner a singularly bleak look, "that there's a very nasty monster somewhere in here, too."

Shikamaru continued to eye Kidoumaru dubiously; an aggravated Kankuro, meanwhile, had finally explained his "lipstick" to Mr. Oyagi to the oldster's satisfaction, and announced his return to the table by exploiting his slight weight advantage on Kidoumaru and muscling the Sound shinobi bodily out of his seat, unrepentantly taking the chair for himself as soon as Kidoumaru was obliged to rise.

"Oh, please, feel free to take my chair like I wasn't trying to have a discussion with Nara here. You know, we stopped doing that to each other back in Sound when we were _ten," _Kidoumaru growled at the puppeteer, obviously annoyed.

"Well, he took my seat, so I took yours. Go get your own or something."

Kidoumaru fixed Kankuro with a level glare that was pure threat, before shrugging and turning his back without a word to saunter out of the salon. Shikamaru watched him go; Kankuro pretended not to.

"What a Grade-A asshole _that _one's turning out to be."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Shikamaru said calmly, as if mentioning the weather. Kankuro blinked.

"What?"

"Never mind. I'll let you go first this time."

x x x x x x x x

It was raining when the two of them left an hour later. Shikamaru had come prepared with an umbrella; Kankuro, too proud to ask if he could share in the benefits of his shougi partner's foresight, walked beside him exposed to the elements, looking for all the world like some large, cranky, soaked black cat.

After half a block of Kankuro making sour faces as his hood was plastered flat to his head, Shikamaru sighed and held the umbrella over the older Sand shinobi nonchalantly. Kankuro glanced over at his new gaming partner and smiled faintly.

"Hey, thanks."

"Don't mention it. Temari liked walking in the rain, but I figured you guys had different preferences. Here, hold this," Shikamaru added, passing the handle over to Kankuro. The puppeteer watched, bemused, as the pouring deluge began to plaster Shikamaru's dark ponytail flat against his scalp.

"I thought it was for you...?"

"I wouldn't have gone to all the trouble of checking weather reports and dragging the damn thing around with me if I didn't think either you or Kidoumaru would need it. I don't mind getting a bit wet. It's like recompense for the good cloud-watching you always get after these storms."

"Uh huh," murmured Kankuro, whose experience with clouds came mostly from the occasional freak flood-storm suffered in the desert, when observant Sand shinobi took cover as thunder breakers boiled on the red evening horizon. Shikamaru did, indeed, look as contented as Kankuro had ever seen him. Kankuro had known the younger man for some time, and considered him a shinobi worthy of respect (not least because Shikamaru had not only survived dating Temari for about a year, but managed to remain friends with her after they'd broken it off, a boon Kankuro's merciless older sister had granted none of her other ex-boyfriends), but he hadn't spent much time alone with him before this last week, and found himself sort of liking the guy. At the very least, Shikamaru's legendary laziness made Kankuro, the least ambitious member of his family, feel like Maito bloody Gai by comparison.

"How is Temari, by the way?" Shikamaru asked after a moment's silence. "I haven't had a chance to talk with her yet, the negotiations seem to be running her ragged."

"She's doing well; I think she's still dating that jounin kunoichi from Ops, and she's sleeping more often, which was probably your bad influence. Oh, and Suna council tried to get her into an arranged marriage with some guy from Hidden Palm last week, and she destroyed the grand chamber during their sojourn as a warning. Good times."

"Yes, that sounds exactly like Temari," Shikamaru said with a smile that was only half humourous.

"How about your team? Since you, lucky bastard, are lacking in the sibling department..."

"Yeah..." Shikamaru trailed off briefly, his gaze distant for a moment. Kankuro looked again and wondered if he had imagined it. "Chouji and Ino are getting married next month. Chouji wants me to be the best man."

"Huh, congratulations. Or should I be saying sorry, since you didn't get the girl?"

"Are you kidding me? Ino's Ino, and thus the most troublesome woman ever born to pester a man. Chouji's about the only one good-natured enough to deal with her. Besides, this wedding nonsense...troublesome beyond belief. Of course the two of them are having fun planning it, Ino's micro-managing everything and driving Sakura and her father nuts, and Chouji wants to invite half of Fire Country...gods help us, he suggested putting _Sasuke _of all people on the guest list," Shikamaru added with a thin smile. "Asuma-sensei and I have it the easiest. I just have to remember to show up dressed decently and bring the rings and ceremonial Nara bell."

"And Asuma?"

"Ino's mother is long gone, so Ino asked him to be the honourary Mother of the Bride. That's the first time I ever saw him swallow one of his cigarettes. I swear I saw smoke come out of his ears."

The mental image, combined with the thought of a dramatically sobbing Asuma in the traditional maternal kimono, made Kankuro guffaw out loud. After calming himself down (and getting stared at by Konoha civilian passersby), he looked up at Shikamaru again. Nope, he hadn't imagined the distant look, it was there again. "So...you worried about being the third wheel?"

"Not too much. It's just that once they're married, their concerns will be different, and I might not see them as much outside of missions and such. Especially considering I've changed my plans about getting married myself."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I've figured out by now that it's not going to happen. The ironic thing is, the realization came right on the heels of figuring out that women aren't as troublesome as I used to think."

"Huh." Had Shikamaru just admitted that he was interested in men? Huh boy, the chuunin should have been more careful about that. Kankuro went both ways himself and lived by the "anything goes in the sack so long as you don't do it in the street and scare the kids" philosophy of life, but some shinobi, especially the older ones, could be close-minded, although the worst (ahaha, and it really was the worst) they'd do is shun the outed man or woman; good shinobi were not so thick on the ground that you could be stupid enough to kill one just for being fond of same. Shikamaru cut a glance sideways at Kankuro just in time for the Sand shinobi to catch the edge of it. "So, what do you think you'll do, then?"

"I'll go to the wedding, wish them the best, try to get 'em both drunk enough to be cheerful and relaxed but not stupid. Then I'll go home and grade papers." Shikamaru shrugged; he seemed calm, although his words struck Kankuro as morose. "That's my problem, you see: I don't like change too much. I suppose that's why I'm stuck where I am, but I'm okay with that. I can't ask other people to stay stagnant for my sake, though."

Kankuro considered this. "You had an okay childhood, didn't you?"

"Pretty good, yeah. My mother nagged and my father got soused occasionally, but I probably had it better than most kids. Why?"

"It probably makes me a twisted fuck, but I like it when the dynamic shifts. Except for when Gaara was born, every time there's been a major upheaval in my life, something good came out of it. Even that time when Akatsuki came for my brother...that time, it really hammered home to the village how much Gaara wanted to protect all of us."

Kankuro trailed off; Shikamaru winced and looked away. "You must think I'm a fool."

"Fuck no. The exact opposite. All I'm wondering is, would you be, you know, averse to hanging out more often while I'm in town?"

"With a boring bastard like me? You must have too much time on your hands."

"Well, maybe. Or maybe I think you're interesting. Call me perverse for it. Whatever. Is it yes or no?"

Shikamaru blinked, then smiled slightly. "Well...no, I guess I wouldn't mind."

"That's all I was wondering. Now if you'll excuse me, this is my stop."

Their conversation had taken them to the doorstep of the Suna delegation's embassy building, and the rain was beginning to let up. Kankuro took the first step up, then passed the umbrella back to Shikamaru; his gloves interfered, but he felt it when he accidentally brushed the back of Shikamaru's hand, cool and wet, with his fingertips. The chuunin took the umbrella, despite the fact that he was soaked through anyways; his smile was faint.

"You're not much like your sister, you know, Kankuro."

"Oho, insults now?" The puppeteer made a mocking grimace, aware that his face paint had probably started to run by now, as prolonged exposure to water tended to have that effect.

"Not at all. You two have some good things in common, but you're very different personalities. It's kind of...nice, actually."

Kankuro stood and considered this as Shikamaru folded the umbrella and turned away to leave. Then he called after him.

Shikamaru turned to look at him. "Yes?"

"I don't think you're a fool. All that time ago, when we almost lost Gaara...I think you of all people might understand what it was like. Akimichi won against that Jiroubou guy by taking cyanide pills, right?"

Shikamaru's face clouded. "...yeah. That's right."

"Well, then." Kankuro shrugged expressively and turned back to the door; but he snuck a glance back over his shoulder when he heard the squelch of Shikamaru's sandals in the fresh mud, and got a look at the chuunin's retreating back, ponytail and clothes plastered almost flat against him and slick with rainwater, his left hand raised in a casual goodbye wave without looking.

x x x x x x x

It wasn't supposed to happen...

x x x x x x x

TSUZUKU (To be continued...)


	2. Binding

_Chapter Two: Binding_

The next three days were occupied with paperwork and helping Temari out with odds and ends, not to mention mundane shit like rotating Suna security squads and diplomatic delegations out of Sunagakure proper and into Konoha. They were making an alliance, as Baki was fond of reminding Kankuro, not going to bed with the other two villages, and besides, Sand trusted Uchiha Sasuke and his higher-ups about as far as they could throw them (not very far in the case of Jiroubou of the Southern Gate, as Kankuro remarked to his old teacher, earning himself a glower in response).

This meant he couldn't meet with Shikamaru, but it also meant postponing his informal grudge match with Kidoumaru until his own convenience, which Kankuro preferred to do. He wouldn't be seen as a coward by balking from a fight, but he also liked to choose his own time and place to do battle, and the extra work afforded him the luxury of being busy should Kidoumaru call him out.

Or so he thought, until late on the morning of the fourth day, when he pushed aside the last of the detail forms and found a small, furry spider perched on the desk under the paper, staring up at him.

"Kidoumaru-sama wishes to remind you of your engagement with him, at your convenience of course," the tiny creature crackled up at him.

Kankuro sighed. "I should drop a folder on you."

"You may try," the spider said primly. "I shall one day be his god-summons; I am not to be done in by a mere kugutsu-user."

"You're almost as annoying as he is," Kankuro growled, getting up creakily from his chair to grab his hood and puppet scrolls. "Complete bastard had a bug on me the whole time..."

"So you say, but I assure you that neither I nor any of my brothers and sisters have taken any interest in your doings these past few days. My timing is merely fortuitous. I fail to see why Kidoumaru-sama has taken such a strong interest in you, but then my mother has always said that our master has strange whims."

"Fascinating," Kankuro growled at his uninvited visitor. "And you can call it fortuitous timing, but where I come from, it's called "spying", and we take a very dim view of that in Suna during the treaty process. So go crawl up a waterspout or something."

"Dreadful manners," muttered the spider as it made a quick jump from the desk to the windowsill, and then it was gone. Kankuro sighed and strapped his five finished scrolls to his back; scroll number six lay untouched in the corner of the office, still in the experimental stages. He caught up his equipment bag and checked inside carefully, nodding in satisfaction; everything was as he had prepared it.

Temari's voice made him pause on his way out. "So where are you off to, then?"

"I'm going to swat a pesky bug."

"Heh. If you're not back by late evening, I'll assume you're dead and take your stuff, just so you know."

"Love you too, big sis," he said snidely, avoiding the half-hearted little whirlwind that pursued him out the door. Temari was obviously stuck with another day of diplomatic garbage, and envied him his brief freedom. Well, he wouldn't be much of a little brother if he didn't rub her nose in it later on.

Just getting into the Forest of Death turned out to be a huge bitch.

For one thing, half the perimeter appeared to be laced with in-training special jounin or Ninja Academy ichinensei classes full of squealing kids; Kankuro had to apply a complex series of illusions to get past them, and by far the Academy brats were the worst, since the jounin were not prone to sneaking live shuriken and throwing them at random objects for fun (a Kankuro-tree only narrowly avoided castration at one point, reminding him exactly why he was none too fond of kids). On top of that, there was the fence proper to get around, and the entire thing was laced with nonlethal traps designed to prevent idiots, civilians, and children from wandering in as they pleased; Kankuro had no desire whatsoever to be found dangling from an ankle-snag by the ANBU corps, and thus had to employ catlike agility and the judicious use of wire-trips to avoid ending up as such.

Then there were the charming denizens of the muggy, oppressive forest itself. Swatting killer slugs aside and avoiding what appeared to be extra-large tigers got old fast, but what really made Kankuro twitch was the presence of thousands of midges, all of which appeared to be trying to crawl into his eyes and nose.

On the plus side, he was alerted to what he was looking for when his tiny tormentors thinned out and then vanished completely. Even bugs weren't stupid enough to hang around the vicinity of a natural predator. So Kidoumaru was already here.

As soon as the sound of birdsong and chirping insects began to dim, Kankuro began paying extra attention to his surroundings, looking for traps of the unnatural sort. He was rewarded; tree by tree, the number of carefully camouflaged tripwires and tiny detonators increased, each one avoided or disabled as Kankuro got closer to their source.

_Not bad, but he's made them just a little too obvious. I guess he doesn't want the game to end before he's had a chance to have some real fun; he's just trying to tire me out a bit and distract me. _Kankuro smiled. It was cliché, but 'two can play at that' was what sprang to mind. After checking and clearing the next tree, he started adding a few surprises of his own as he went.

Fifteen minutes later, he rounded the trunk of a particularly huge moss-covered tree for a landing on the forest floor and discovered Kidoumaru leaning casually against the other side, all six arms crossed, the very picture of serene patience. Well, obviously, Kankuro thought as he used chakra threads to change his course as he swung, the son of a bitch had laced this whole damn chunk of the forest with enough explosives and tripwires to take out Suna's entire ANBU contingent, much less one guy. Kankuro landed about seven feet in front of the other man, allowing himself that much space to avoid the series of wires Kidoumaru had laid out at foot height around where he stood.

The spider-nin made a show of checking his watch. "You're late, but I was expecting that."

"There was no set time for this junket, you little shit," Kankuro retorted.

Kidoumaru just shrugged. "Still, I thought you'd make better time than you did. But then you're always over-cautious until you're driven out of cover, right? I bet you checked every damn tree you went past as soon as the flies thinned out."

Kankuro bit back a reply and instead took stock of the surrounding area. Green filtered light and abundant, slippery moss coloured a forest with trees so ancient and thick that their branches grew and twisted around one another. It was fantastically different from the clear, merciless light and endless hot expanses of Kankuro's desert home...and probably closer to what Kidoumaru was used to in Sound. So he'd practically handed the spider-nin an advantage by selecting this location. Fine. Kankuro had spent a fair bit of time in Leaf's forests himself, and his experience in fighting Iwa intruders within the closer confines of Sunagakure proper would work to his own ends.

Kidoumaru grinned at his opponent's silence. "Of course, that was probably the best thing to do, considering I set up traps in every tree in the first place."

Kankuro rolled his eyes. "How about we just get this over with? Unless you'd prefer to spend all day exchanging clever banter."

Kidoumaru's eyes narrowed. "'Get this over with'? That's a crummy attitude to come to a fight with. I was hoping to have a bit of fun today."

"Spending my day off teaching you to keep your big mouth shut isn't my idea of entertainment."

"Really? I think this'll be very entertaining..."

Kankuro saw Kidoumaru's finger twitch, heard the soft hiss of metal shooting past leaves, and channeled his chakra into a twisting dodge ten feet to the right; he only narrowly escaped the rain of golden kunai that thudded into the ground where he'd been standing a bare second before. Without even having to think, he pulled out his two primary scrolls and uttered the summoning spell: Karasu and Kuro-ari appeared in identical puffs of smoke on either side of him, wooden limbs rattling softly.

Kidoumaru smirked and uncrossed his arms into a ready stance, brow furrowing slightly. "Ready now?"

Karasu twitched convulsively as Kankuro clenched his fist. "Come on."

An instant later, the floor of the clearing was empty, as if two shinobi had never been there in the first place.

x x x x x x xx

Shikamaru took a deep breath and let it out slowly, along with all the nuisances and stresses of his day. Class was finally over, the urchins on their way home with their assignments for the upcoming double holiday weeks of the First Hokage's Birthday and the Founding of Konoha, and he for his part could go snag some tea from the staff room and head home for a bit of relaxation. He couldn't deny that he was looking forward to the vacation almost as much as some of his kids, although not quite so vocally. And while their idea of free time would be taken up tearing around the village playing games, attending festivals with their families, setting off fireworks, and stuffing themselves with sweets, his own plans were a little more sedate.

_Need to catch up on my cloud-watching, for one thing. For another, these are the last two weeks of Chouji's life as a bachelor, and I wouldn't mind spending some time hanging out with him before he ends up under Ino's thumb._

Alright, so that wasn't fair: Ino could be loud and obstreperous, but she'd been a friend to them both for years, and she'd always respected his bond with Chouji. Doubtful that she'd suddenly get possessive of her lover's time when he officially became her husband, especially considering how she made time for her own friendship with Sakura, at least whenever Konohagakure's chief surgeon and co-head of its busy hospital could manage to get a break.

_But it's like I told Kankuro…their priorities will be different once they're married. They're both already talking about having children. Ino's father is getting tired; he's probably going to pass the ownership of the flower shop on to her, so either she or Chouji can have that as a source of income while they're raising kids, so both of them don't have to take missions. And Chouza's going to retire soon..._

_They won't have much time to spend, anchoring a guy who's drifting through life as aimlessly as a cloud._

Was he drifting? Well, yes, so to speak. He went on missions occasionally, he didn't really distinguish himself. His goal of living a mediocre life seemed to be coming along nicely, albeit having finally realized that he wasn't husband-and-father material. He still hadn't worked up the guts to tell his own mother and father that particular piece of news. The disappointment in their faces would be too much to bear; and he was nothing if not a coward, after all.

But then, he'd realized he wouldn't succeed at living quietly since he was thirteen years old, sitting across from Temari in the hospital outlining the wreckage of his first team in his mind. _Inuzuka Kiba, hypothermia and internal hemorrhaging due to injuries inflicted in the extraction of an enemy; Hyuuga Neji, repeated knife wounds and through-and-through penetrations coupled with almost total chakra exhaustion; Nara Shikamaru…got off too easily. Uzumaki Naruto, massive internal and external injuries, chakra exhaustion, concussion, contusions, hypothermia; Akimichi Chouji…complete metabolism overload, internal damage due to enormous pressure exerted, sudden weight loss exacerbating symptoms of... _At about that point, Shikamaru had realized that he couldn't fall back on his laziness and let others do the hard work: his intellect had saddled him with a huge responsibility, and while he didn't like it, he had made a promise that day to himselfand any listening higher power that if Chouji survived, Shikamaru would work hard to make sure that this kind of disaster never happened on his watch again. He would protect the people who were important to him, and even the ones who weren't personally, with every breath in his body.

And now the distinct reminder of that same disaster was back and staring him in the face. Kankuro of the Sand, who'd rescued Kiba when Shikamaru hadn't been able to, and Kidoumaru of the Sound, who had almost killed Neji.

He wasn't sure of what to think. Kankuro was alright; the Sand ninja had a sense of humour and was more relaxed than Temari or Gaara (although Shikamaru felt rather smug on learning that Temari had finally taken his advice on those afternoon naps), and seemed like someone that Shikamaru could get to like. Kidoumaru...

He hadn't been lying to Kankuro that day weeks ago. It was hard to hate Kidoumaru. Shikamaru should know: he'd been trying to. He certainly didn't like the Sound nin yet; those piercing dark eyes, that perpetual knowing grin as if he could see into Shikamaru's heart and was amused by what he found there. The memory of him pointedly and efficiently capturing every member of Shikamaru's squad, toying with them and raining down death on Naruto's clones one by one until it seemed like one of their team would die right before his helpless eyes...

Kidoumaru had told him that there was a monster inside of Shikamaru as well. The statement hadn't sat well with the Leaf chuunin. Mostly because at that time, when Kidoumaru had thrown the last spike at the last remaining "Naruto" in his web, Shikamaru would have gladly, in that moment, sold his soul to Orochimaru himself to be able to save his squad from this chuckling fiend with no conscience.

_That's a good question, actually...does Kidoumaru have a conscience, or did he ever? And what does that make me, then?_

Shaking his head, Shikamaru got up from his chair and made his way out of the empty classroom and down the hall towards the staff room. Why was he burdening himself with these ideas, anyways? All he'd done was play shougi with these guys. They were interesting, and Kankuro was easier than expected to talk to, collected and funny and relaxed, and Kidoumaru was...Kidoumaru made him think of broad smiles and single-minded determination to find joy in life. And then that peculiar intellectual malevolence in the Sound ninja's makeup would make itself known, and Shikamaru would be back in the realm of nightmares and regret again, and shut down.

_Kankuro must have fought him once or twice too, but Kankuro's not even a little bit afraid of him. So why can't you get past the concept that he's just toying with you to have some fun before he hurts you, just like in that fight?_

Shikamaru shook his head again, firmly, as he entered the staff room. So many troublesome thoughts. That settled it: he was going home to cloud-watch on the roof of his apartment building until sunset, and then he'd go over to Chouji and Ino's for dinner. Thank providence they'd invited him, since he didn't have anything in his fridge at home except some Asahi. Shikamaru stifled a grin: if their team's dynamic would change somewhat with Chouji's marriage, Chouji had been firm on the point that the three of them were bloody well going to have dinner together at least once a week no matter what, and that was one anchor Shikamaru would gladly hold on to.

The staff room was empty when he got there except for Suzume, the Kunoichi Studies' specialist. Wordlessly she offered him the teapot; by now, the other staff members knew that getting any coherent remarks out of Shikamaru post-class and pre-tea was impossible.

As soon as he was finished his tea, she pushed her glasses up to her nose and looked at him seriously. "You seem quite distracted of late."

"I'm alright."

Suzume continued to eye him a moment or two longer, before sighing. "Men can be so uncommunicative." She carried on over Shikamaru's derisive grunt. "The training areas were simply packed with those funny brown Forest squirrels this afternoon, by the way. I took the girls out for flower-arranging and you couldn't go two feet for stepping on a squirrel. I told the blasted things to go away—they're that nice young Lee's acquaintances, you know, so I wouldn't do anything more drastic than that—but they kept hanging about fussing and chittering and dropping dead spiders at my feet, can you imagine? How unpleasant. The girls seemed to find it fun, so it wasn't a total loss, although some of the clever ones insisted on making squirrel-based _ikebana..._Shikamaru-kun, you've gone completely pale. I knew it. You're ill. Get yourself home immediately and take the first holiday week to rest, do you hear me?"

Shikamaru set his teacup down carefully, keeping his expression as neutral as possible. "Uh...yeah. Rest. Right. See you around, Suzume." He rose and left the staff room at what he hoped was a casual saunter; as soon as he judged himself out of visual-audial range, he broke into a run, out the door and towards the training areas.

_Spiders. Spiders in the Forest of Death driving out Lee's squirrels, who are tough enough to avoid slugs and all kinds of other crap in there. Spiders that weren't there yesterday. What's he doing? What the HELL does he think he's doing?_

x x x x x xx x

A spike hit Kankuro in the centre of his back. His flesh splintered into wood as the back of his shirt cracked and fell off.

Karasu's head spun around, mouth dropping open as a stiletto flashed out of its throat and directly towards the originating place of the spike. It struck tree trunk, poison spreading purple from the embedded point as the initial attacker dodged with a scant rustle of leaves.

Kuro-ari clattered up in pursuit of the sound, jumping from branch to branch after the dark figure that moved as easily among the trees as a spider among its webs. Kankuro, from his temporary hiding place, smiled grimly. This fight had already gone on for over an hour; he was sweating, his makeup smudged across his face, and to his own mild chagrin, he was enjoying himself. It probably made him a sick bastard, considering he and Kidoumaru weren't holding back. Mistakes meant death in this fight.

Going up against another mid- to long-range fighter in this kind of situation was what made it interesting. The two of them fought by proxy, Kankuro's puppets and Kidoumaru's traps and weapons springing from every which way, targeting feints and hastily-made dummies, employing kawarimi to ensure that they themselves could avoid such attacks. Kankuro had taken cuts from several flying kunai he'd only barely been able to avoid, and from the momentary nausea he experienced each time, he'd realized that Kidoumaru was lacing his weapons with mild toxins to weaken his foe and slow him up a bit. Of course, Kankuro had developed a resistance to quite a few lethal poisons by now, but still, it really was turning into a game of wits, this fight.

Kankuro grinned to himself and called out, projecting his voice through Karasu's mouth so as not to give away his position. "Oi, shit head, having fun yet?"

The slight tickle of a breeze against the back of his neck gave him enough warning to drop out of his cluster of leaves and land lightly on the branch several feet below as a flying web-shot and several gold kunai mauled the place he'd been a second before. Nasty laughter rang out through the trees as Kankuro spun off and concealed himself again through a series of careful warps among a maple grove ten feet away.

"More than I've had in ages, asshole, thanks for asking! Oh and by the way, that ventriloquism stuff might work on the garbage you've gone up against before, but I'm a _Sound _ninja, remember? You can throw some of the vibrations from your vocal chords, but not totally, I can still hear the origin point!"

Kankuro rolled his eyes unseen. This was the fourth or fifth time Kidoumaru had done this during their fight; almost take him out when he made some tiny mistake, and then give him advice of all things on how he'd screwed up. It was starting to get aggravating...

_But then again, the little son of a bitch is right. I didn't think he'd push me this hard for this long, and that was my first and most profound error. The only thing that's saved me these last few times is his sick sense of what's "fun"._

Kankuro took a deep breath—he really wasn't going to enjoy this, but it had to be done—and barked out, "While we're at it, lesson learned! From now on I won't underestimate you!"

The resulting silence had the tincture of astonishment. Kidoumaru must not have been expecting Kankuro to admit his own grievous error, and in doing so he'd caught the spider-nin flat footed.

_Good. Now it's time for him to get a little reminder of who he's dealing with._

Kankuro focused, transferring the chakra strings from Kuro-ari to the little and ring fingers of his left hand; the black ant's capture function wouldn't be needed for what he was planning next. Instead he drew another scroll from his back and invoked Sanshu'ou, tossing the scroll slightly as he did so that the clatter of the appearing puppet would come from its land point on the forest floor. As the salamander took form, a rain of knives shot from all directions; Kankuro twitched his thumb, and a giant wooden tail swung around, kunai burying itself in the sturdy moveable shield that lashed over to protect the main body. Then Sanshu'ou began to climb, determined, powerful movements taking it slinking up the trunk of the nearest tree. The body needed to be protected for this reason; couldn't have enemy weapons impeding movement.

Kankuro followed the salamander up through the trees, taking care to maintain an illusion on himself...even though he was counting on that illusion to ultimately fail him. Far overhead, Karasu rattled through the uppermost boughs of the trees, searching. Kankuro spun it aside as another web shot blasted it, entangling the humanoid puppet's lower and middle right arms as it did. Kankuro swiftly disconnected those arms, at the same time briefly surging his own chakra down the disengaged limbs, considering the chakra that wasn't quite hidden by the sticky webbing itself.

_So it has a distinct signature, and now I've got it._

Kankuro had Karasu scuttle back down into the thickest lower branches of the trees, damaged and missing limbs, as he wondered if what he was doing would work. What if Kidoumaru had suddenly become wary of him?

_Fat chance. I'll give him one thing, for all that he fights long-range, he isn't a coward. Now..._

There it was, just what Kankuro needed. He alit on one of the thickest branches of what he would have judged, had the environs not dictated otherwise, to be a honking great baobab tree, around the area where he'd first started noticing the traps. Now where...?

"Gotcha," a voice whispered in his ear, and Kankuro threw himself sideways awkwardly, although his extremely painful landing on his own ankle was nothing compared to the fate he would have received otherwise; Kidoumaru had slipped down a threat right behind him, silent as a ghost, and spat a spike right at the back of Kankuro's head. Perfect.

The spider-nin somersaulted off the rope and landed right-side up, one knife in each hand and at the ready, his grin triumphant. "So, give up yet?"

Kankuro said nothing and hobbled backwards along the branch, aware that it was thinning out the further it got from the tree. Just a little more...

Kidoumaru frowned and approached him, glancing about every so often for incoming puppets as he did. "Oh come on, that's a lame way to end a game like this. Twisting an ankle? What are you, a thirteen-year-old girl?"

Kankuro continued his retreat, but even as he did his fingers flicked out. Kidoumaru barely avoided Sanshu'ou's huge crushing tail as it lashed out from the salamander's hiding spot under the broad branch, throwing himself into a series of backwards somersaults to get out of range faster...and his wrist caught on the tripwire Kankuro had so inconsiderately appropriated and reset for his own purposes, just before their fight began.

The explosion as the curse detonator was set off was deafening. Kankuro was protected from the worst of the blast by Sanshu'ou's massive tail, which splintered and cracked with debris. It tore out a chunk out of about half the massive branch, but the object's size meant the remaining half was still enough to support the rest, plus Kankuro's own weight and that of his puppet. Kankuro, still cautious, peered through the smoke, and caught sight of a dim figure moving amidst all the grey.

The figure grunted, and Kankuro caught a flash of gold along with a clatter like pottery being dropped. And then, ominously, the creak of heavy strain being forced on a string.

Kidoumaru chuckled faintly as the smoke cleared. There were some minor burns on the apples of his cheeks and on his upper arms, from where he hadn't been able to produce the spider armour fast enough, but his eyes were shining. Kankuro was momentarily taken aback; his enemy looked like a little kid full of joy, rather than a trained killer slowly drawing back the unfailingly accurate and legendarily fatal Spider War Bow.

"Hey, that...that was pretty good, actually. I mean, I'm still going to pin your ass to a tree, but I'm willing to admit that was damn good." He chuckled again; he actually sounded happy. "Double-bluffing me and then using my own traps against me? Heck, I can't even get mad about getting scorched a bit in the process. So I won't kill you, I'll just leave you here for the Konoha ANBU. No hard feelings?"

Kankuro smiled. "Nope, none at all."

Kidoumaru grinned and pulled back the bow string further. Or tried to.

Kankuro raised his middle finger and moved it in a beckoning gesture. Kidoumaru's right upper arm jerked forwards, causing the strung arrow to wobble and fall from the bow as the Sound ninja stumbled slightly, looking dumbfounded.

"You..."

"Ran my own chakra along the wire and then attached it to your sole drawing wrist when you tripped it? Yep," Kankuro said, feeling a bit drained, but generally satisfied at Kidoumaru's disbelieving expression. "It's easy enough to do, really...just get a feel for the other person's chakra and then grab. And since you're a ranged fighter with _shitty _close-combat defenses, you're sunk now that you're stuck in my puppets' reach. Don't worry, I won't kill you. I'll just use Karasu to paralyze you and then dump you at the Konoha Hospital. Their chief surgeon saved my sorry ass back in the day, so I imagine she'll probably find it in her heart to patch you up as well."

He concentrated on the string and pulled, even as he waggled his fingers, drawing Karasu out of nowhere and leaping to intercept and bind Kidoumaru until the puppet's arm-blades could do their work.

He wasn't expecting Kidoumaru, instead of trying to resist or reconfigure the War Bow, to use the pull to his own advantage and break into a run, charging Kankuro outright. Kankuro had to change Karasu's direction in midair, and the distraction cost him; Kidoumaru was almost on him when Karasu shot in and caught the spider-nin in its inexorable wooden grip, some sick parody of an embrace.

Mostly. Karasu was still missing its lower and middle right arms, which left Kidoumaru's lower right arm free, as Kankuro realized when the Sound ninja slashed at his ribs with a golden blade.

Kankuro choked back an agonized cry and caught the offending wrist, twisting it as he stared into gleaming dark eyes, dimmed only slightly by pain; Karasu's arm razors were extended and digging into Kidoumaru's arms and torso slightly, but the poisons hadn't been unleashed yet. A wave of nausea hit Kankuro and he sagged, leaning his shoulder against one of Karasu's arms for the support to stay upright.

"Shit..."

"That must hurt," Kidoumaru said, his voice slightly constricted. "Call me a big softy, but I didn't put much poison that one."

Kankuro grunted and glanced sideways at his captive. "And I haven't shredded you yet, although I don't know why."

"Hey," and here Kidoumaru's smile came back full force, almost joyful, "why would I want to kill you now? That was great. Man, we need to do this again sometime and drag Shikamaru along for the ride."

Kankuro chuckled bitterly, releasing the strings on Sanshu'ou as he put his hand to his side to staunch the flow of blood from the gash. "Why the hell would you want to put him through this? I thought you liked him."

Kidoumaru's smile vanished. "I didn't say that. But while we're at it, I thought you respected him. 'Put him through that', as if he were made of china. Fuck, I don't know why these Konoha idiots have a guy like him teaching their brats how to throw paper weapons." The Sound ninja considered for a moment, and then suddenly leaned in Kankuro's direction, despite the fact that it caused the razors to dig in deeper. His breath ghosted, hot, against his captor's cheek. "And I don't know why Sand seems to have _you_ pushing paper."

Kankuro should have pulled away. He blamed burgeoning dizziness for not doing so. He needed the support to stand upright or he'd fall on his face; so he wasn't as immune to those toxins as he'd thought... "You're a really strange person. Doesn't that hurt, what you're doing?"

"Hurt? Shit, I stopped caring about pain when I was five," Kidoumaru murmured, his gaze distant momentarily before snapping back onto Kankuro. "Hey, you wanna know how I found you that last time?"

"Sure," Kankuro mumbled into the wood, "knock yourself out."

He stiffened as Kidoumaru's cheek brushed against his own, the grin audible in the Sound ninja's slightly sing-song tone as he whispered into Kankuro's ear, "I c'n hear your heartbeat...yup, it's hammering away right now like someone going crazy on taiko drums. It's nice. I want to hear it that way again..."

Kankuro was suddenly aware of Kidoumaru's hand twisting out of his grip, and of a sudden, crushing impact to his gut; he coughed and convulsively twisted as Karasu's arms loosened just enough for Kidoumaru to get out of their grip and dodge around the puppet, putting a few feet between himself and Kankuro. The spider-nin's grin was back, and he looked positively mental now.

"On the other hand, I _hate _just giving up when I can still keep playing. Just so you know." Kankuro made a frantic grab for Karasu's twisting strings, aggravating clouds in his vision as Kidoumaru spat out a wicked looking spike and reared back to throw it...

And froze, his body contorting itself into an at ease stance, obviously against its owner's will if Kidoumaru's expression was anything to go by. Kankuro felt his own body controlled in a similar way. Which meant only one thing.

"You know," Shikamaru drawled from one of the narrow branches above him, no trace of humour on his face, "it was really a toss-up between breaking your stupid neck and freezing you, so don't you dare complain. You either, Kankuro."

Kidoumaru's thwarted glower would have been funny on anyone else. "Shikamaru, you little..."

"Shut up. I don't want to know whose stupid idea this was, but you could have gone and destabilized the entire damn alliance, and I'd expected better of both of you," Shikamaru said flatly. "Now, here's how it's going to go; I can't take you to the hospital, because that would mean explaining to Sakura why you two were trying to maul each other. I don't have much at my apartment, but there's tea and beer, and an extensive selection of first-aid stuff, so we might as well go back there. Try not to bleed on anything, okay?"

Kankuro gave a shaky nod, carefully ignoring whatever Kidoumaru's response to this was. "Sounds...fine. Sure."

Shikamaru's face softened, just briefly. "If it's toxins, I've got something that will help with that. You two are just lucky I've got a ton of bandages."

Kankuro thought back to the pointy-object-happy urchins running around the training areas outside the forest earlier. That made perfect sense to him. Already it was easier to stand upright.

Shikamaru fixed a beady look on Kidoumaru. "Can I trust you not to do anything stupid once I let the _kage mane no jutsu_ go?"

Kidoumaru's expression was strangely closed as he looked up at the younger man. His lips were curved, but it definitely wasn't a smile. "You can't trust me not to do _anything."_

"That's fine," Shikamaru said coldly. "There's always _shibari."_

x x x x x x x x

They made it back to the apartment through Kankuro's judicious use of a weak genjutsu and Shikamaru's apparently inherent ability to affect casual insouciance and lie like a rug if called upon; it only happened once, when an older ANBU kunoichi dropped down out of nowhere in front of them and peppered him with questions, and he answered her in tones of total boredom. She was satisfied eventually, and they were allowed to carry on to Shikamaru's building, populated predominantly by civilians who liked peace and quiet and weren't given to setting off explosive notes or having parties crowded with drunken special jounin at one in the morning.

As soon as Shikamaru had the door shut and the first-aid kit produced, Kidoumaru swiped some bandages and ointment, then retreated into the kitchen, leaving Shikamaru in the hallway with a Kankuro who had started staunching his side wound with his hood and was looking deeply disgruntled about it. The chuunin turned him around and steered him into the bathroom, divesting him of his much lighter weapons pouch and his puppet scrolls.

It was only when he tried to pull up the side of Kankuro's shirt to get a better look at the injury and the puppeteer responded by almost frantically shoving the shirt down again that he finally noticed. "You know…"

"Can't you just look at it through the hole? I mean, I feel kind of stupid about this."

"It's not that. I don't think I've ever seen you not wearing your hood before."

Kankuro blinked and ran gloved, bloody fingers through his unruly short hair, as if to confirm this for himself. Light brown hair, Shikamaru thought, and suppressed an extremely stupid urge to reach out and ruffle it. Instead, he pulled open the hole in Kankuro's shirt and started rubbing antibiotic ointment into the wound. The older man's only reaction was a sharp hiss. "Hey, I can do that myself, you don't have to..."

"Just hold still, damn you."

Kankuro subsided with a sulky growl.

"I can't believe you went and did that. I thought you had more sense. And now you're bleeding all over my damn toilet lid," Shikamaru told him with more resignation than rancour. "Stupid..."

"It was _his _idea," Kankuro muttered resentfully. "I couldn't just take that attitude from him." Shikamaru gave him a baleful look as he fished out a roll of cloth bandages. Kankuro winced. "Okay, so maybe that was stupid..."

"Very. Now I _have _to take off your shirt to bind the wound up, so don't be troublesome about it. I couldn't care less about scars."

Kankuro looked away from him as he did it. Shikamaru couldn't think why; there were a couple of scars here and there, but all shinobi of his age had them, even Shikamaru with his near-desk-job, and he couldn't think why Kankuro would be embarrassed. He said nothing and went about wrapping the bandages around as Kankuro held one end in place. When he cut the trailing end and cinched them tight, Kankuro made an odd noise and turned slightly green.

"You okay?"

"Uh...y-yeah...those toxins the knives were laced with were pretty weak, but I still feel nauseous..."

"It'll be the blood loss making their effects more potent," Shikamaru told him calmly. He supported the bigger man under his arms as Kankuro got shakily to his knees on the floor. "Try to aim for the toilet, but if you miss, it's not the end of the world. That's what tile's for. You gonna be alright?"

"Ask me in half an hour," Kankuro said with a wan smile. "Until then, though, I'd rather not have an audience, for once."

Shikamaru nodded. "Good. I'd hate to lose you over something so idiotic." Without waiting or looking back, he left the bathroom as he'd been asked, shutting the door behind him. It wouldn't help Kankuro to be humiliated on top of it.

As he made his way to the kitchen, he was mildly chagrined to realize that what he'd said just then was true. His predominant emotion en route to the Forest of Death hadn't been anger but fear; fear that someone would end up dead, fear that their stupid macho egos would result in someone nailed to a tree or butchered by a puppet.

And speaking of which...

Shikamaru had to look around for a second from the kitchen doorway to realize that Kidoumaru was curled up under the small two-person table, the bandages on his arms immaculately tied and already beginning to show soak-through from the blood, all six arms pulling his knees close to his chest. He must have finished bandaging himself faster than Shikamaru had Kankuro, the chuunin thought, before walking in and crouching down into a seated position opposite his obligatory guest, his back set against the refrigerator.

"So did you want to explain what all that was about, or shall I just assume 'moronic posturing' and leave it at that?" Shikamaru asked him after a second or two's silence.

Kidoumaru cocked his head slightly, a tiny smile playing across his lips. "I just wanted to kick his ass."

"You could have killed him." Enough time spent in Team Ten had made Shikamaru wary of people taking life too seriously, with their collective philosophy being "eat, smoke, watch clouds, ogle pretty members of whichever sex one was interested in, and be merry"; on the other hand, people who swung too far in the _other _direction made him uneasy too.

"I could have," Kidoumaru agreed. "He could have killed me, too. Yeah, I'll admit it, he's good, and if I didn't have my little natural advantages, I'd have lost." He raised his two uninjured arms for Shikamaru's inspection and lowered them again. "But I didn't _want _to kill him. I just wanted to show him up initially."

"Is that right?" Shikamaru tried to keep his voice neutral, as some tiny, nigh-insignificant part of him suggested that Kidoumaru might benefit from being grabbed by the front of his shirt and shaken until his teeth rattled.

"Yep. Now, though..." the grin went away, replaced by a thoughtful expression. "Now I don't. He's too much fun. I wouldn't mind if he stayed around, actually."

"So you can throw pointy things at him again."

"Aw, were you _worried _about him?"

"I was _worried _that you two had done something foolish, and lo and behold, I was right."

"And you came riding to the rescue, huh?"

"I—what?"

"You've never noticed that you have a responsibility complex the size of a small town, have you." It wasn't a question. "It's funny as hell, actually, listening to you go on about how you don't give a shit and then seeing you work 'til you break and then some, even for people you don't really like. Practically comical."

"So not wanted either of you meatheads dead and the possibility of an alliance irrevocably screwed is comical, is it," Shikamaru said slowly. "I don't believe you sometimes, I really don't." He got to his feet. "I'm going to check on Kankuro; he's puking his guts up in the bathroom thanks to you, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Hey."

Shikamaru paused—_why? He wondered, somewhere deep down. Anybody else who'd been that stupid, I'd write them off and walk away—_and turned, crouching down again so he was back at eye-level with Kidoumaru. "What?"

"Back there in the forest. If I'd ignored you, attacked him again when the _kage mane _was released...would you really have done it?"

"Done what?"

"Performed _kage shibari _on me? I talked to Tayuya about the technique, and she said it feels like real, human hands grabbing you. Would you really have been able to reach up and _squeeze _until my pulse got weak and my face turned blue and my skin went cold?" Kidoumaru's smile was disturbing. "Would you have gotten off on it?"

Shikamaru crouched there for a moment, staring back at him, suppressing certain urges, before shrugging. "The answer is yes to the first two and no to the third, and you're lucky I'm in no mood for a brawl, because anyone else would have punched your face in for being such a little prick."

"So...you're telling me you were just making that face back therebecause you were worried?"

"What face?"

"The one that looked like you wanted to rip my head off."

"I put two and two together from our conversation at the shougi salon. Ergo, I assumed you were the one who had started that little shit-fest, even if Kankuro had gone and exacerbated it. Thus, you were the one I was angriest at...why are you yanking my chain?"

"You like him better, don't you?"

Shikamaru was so surprised that he sat down flat. "Uh?"

"Kankuro. You like him better."

"I—" Shikamaru struggled for a moment or two, bewildered, before finally settling on sarcasm tempered with diplomacy. "I like you both, gods know why, you've given me a hard enough time these past few weeks. I might even sort of consider you to be friends."

"Yes, but you like Kankuro better."

"You're harping on that, why?"

"Because it's true. Because he's the normal one, the one you can have normal conversations with, the one with normal skin colour and the normal number of _limbs, _the guy who..." Unexpectedly, Kidoumaru looked away, suddenly very interested in the table leg, his eyes unfocussed. Shikamaru scooted forwards, abruptly curious.

"What is it?"

"Nothing at all. I just wanted to establish some...parameters, that's all."

"Parameters."

"Yeah, you...heh, listen, I've been pushing you and prodding you for a reason, you know? Not a game, more like a...a test, if you will. I saw you that first time during the negotiations, I remembered you, and I kind of wondered..."

"Hm?"

"If there was anything there that could understand someone like me. But I'm okay now. I know that's not happening."

Shikamaru shifted so that he was in Kidoumaru's visual range, feeling a flicker of annoyance and bewilderment. "I hate being tested and measured. What are you getting at?"

Kidoumaru looked at him, eyes still not tracking, as if he were looking for something that wasn't really there. "I...like you, okay? Not as a friend. As something else. I wanted to try...to see if you could understand how it feels, how we are, if maybe you could like me back. You know, none of us ever figured it would be worth trying to make it with anyone outside the group. Guess they were right..."

Shikamaru reached out quickly and flicked his ear.

"Ow!" Black eyes came back into focus and fixed on Shikamaru, narrowed in annoyance. "What the _hell?"_

"Don't you self-pity on me, pal. You've pissed me off seriously a few times while we've known each other, which is quite a feat. _That's _why I'm none too sure about you, whereas I'm comfortable with Kankuro because I've known him longer. I've spent time with his family, I know what makes him tick. You, on the other hand...you swing back and forth between the sort-of-sensible-sort-of-goofy guy with the odd sense of humour who's able to give me a hard time on the shougi board—don't you dare grin, that wasn't _supposed _to be innuendo—and the same _psycho _I remember from back then, the one who thinks people are game pieces."

Kidoumaru stared at him, brow furrowing. "Guess what? Still the psycho."

"About ninety percent of the time I've spent with you, you've been normal."

"That was _acting. _I can't do "normal" any more than a dog can walk on two legs all the time. I mean, _look at me._"

"I don't _care _what you look like," Shikamaru told him quietly. "It could have been me just as easily; hell, I'm only holding onto sanity by default. Take a look at some of the geniuses this village has turned out, me included. Do you think you're the only one guilty of seeing the just the game? Of forgetting the human cost of what you were doing?"

Kidoumaru continued to stare at him. "I..."

"What?"

"I never _forgot _it, I just chose to ignore it. It's really easy, you know."

"I know."

"...and?"

"I don't...know how I feel about you yet. I don't know how I feel about a number of things, one of which is in the bathroom ralphing up. But I'm not going to forget that you have problems, and I'm not going to expect you to be little mister bland normalcy. I'll try to deal with you as you are and not demand much from you. Couple of conditions, though."

"Oh yeah?"

"No more 'tests', on me or on Kankuro."

Kidoumaru wrinkled his nose, although he was starting to smile. "Why would I bother anymore? He passed. So did you, sort of."

Shikamaru held up a hand for silence, and then raised two fingers. "Second, try to keep jerking me around to a minimum, okay?"

"Heh, your value of a minimum or mine?"

Shikamaru sighed. "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. And no one in either of our villages is target practice, right?"

"What if that Hyuuga guy wants a rematch?"

"That'll happen when Jiraiya-sama proposes on bended knee to Ebisu, I'm sure."

Kidoumaru looked at him curiously for a few moments, before smiling a little hesitantly. "Well, that's better than what I was expecting, anyway."

"What _were _you expecting? To be chased out of the apartment with a broom?"

"Something along those lines, yeah."

Shikamaru winced. "I'm not sure I should ask."

"Let's just say that my _shining _personality doesn't always counteract the effect of my good looks," Kidoumaru said ironically. "Oh, hey, I think my arms have stopped bleeding now. Not to mention I don't hear doll-boy puking up anymore."

"Good, I'll start making tea then," Shikamaru said, pulling himself to his feet, slightly dazed after the weirdest confession of possibly romantic intentions he'd ever heard. Kidoumaru scrambled out from under the table a moment later, suddenly intent.

"Hey, mind if I do that?"

"You know how?"

"It's _tea, _of course I know how," Kidoumaru said rather sharply, then caught himself and looked awkward. "It's just...Orochimaru-sama made the four of us learn tea ceremony and a bunch of other Konoha shit to make Sasuke-sama feel more at home. And that goes no further than this room, got it?"

Shikamaru blinked as images of Tayuya of the North Gate in a formal kimono performing the ritual invitation to drink tea invaded his mind, and then shook his head fiercely. "Not to worry. Tea's in a paper bag on the top shelf, and most of the cups are just under it." He moved into the kitchen doorway, only to encounter Kankuro in the hallway, shirtless, bandaged, and with an odd expression on his face. "Yo. Feeling better?"

"I will be," Kankuro muttered, before raising his voice slightly, "once I kick a certain someone's ass for calling me 'doll boy'. Death wish much?"

"_I'm _not the guy who challenged an obviously superior shinobi to a fight on disadvantage ground," Kidoumaru shot back from the kitchen over the clink of cups.

"Oi, as the guy who actually pays rent on this hole of an apartment," Shikamaru interjected pointedly, pushing past Kankuro as carefully as he could, "could you save the chest-thumping until after the tea's ready? Boiling water shouldn't be involved in this kind of discussion."

Ten minutes later, the tea was ready (and it was very good, Shikamaru had to admit), Kankuro had made himself comfortable on a sheet-covered heap of dirty laundry, Kidoumaru was sitting cross-legged in the apartment's sole battered armchair, and Shikamaru had sprawled across the couch-cum-futon in defiance of all conventions of being a good host. Kankuro and Kidoumaru had obeyed their shougi partner's edict from earlier, but they were still glaring daggers, or at least partially blunted shuriken, at each other, so the otherwise welcome silence was fraught with tension.

The silence stretched out even when Kankuro finished his third cup of tea. Shikamaru rolled over on his side and decided that he wasn't going to run block for whatever happened next, unless it started to involve real pointy objects; he drifted, going into catnap mode. It had been that sort of day, the kind that demanded a nap.

"You tried to shove a kunai through my lung."

"Yeah? And you tried to slice me all to hell with a killer puppet."

Shikamaru didn't open his eyes or react. Instead, he began to snore quietly, on purpose.

More silence.

"...call it even?" From Kankuro. Huh. Shikamaru had been worried the puppeteer was too proud to back down. Being proved wrong was nice once in a while.

"I guess." Kidoumaru this time. Oh no. Shikamaru could _hear _that damn grin. "Gotta admit, though, it wouldn't have been half as much fun if the weaponry hadn't been live."

"I reject your definition of 'fun' and substitute my own. Next time we should—"

"There's a next time now?"

"Your idea. But yeah, I suppose I wouldn't mind too much, so long as we can leave out the poison and the grievous bodily harm, for the most part."

"And drag him along." Uh-oh.

"Does that look like a man who finds his entertainment in having projectile weaponry thrown at him?"

"Well, you never know a guy until you fight beside him or against him. By the way, Shikamaru, nice try, but I know you're awake."

"That heartbeat thing again?" Kankuro's tone was sardonic. "By the way, that was a lame line you fed me earlier to catch me off-guard."

"It wasn't a _line." _Kidoumaru sounded offended.

"...yeah."

Shikamaru rolled over just in time to catch Kankuro and Kidoumaru averting both their gazes from each other, just for a moment. He wasn't sure what to think, or whether it was that or the sudden act of rolling that made him momentarily dizzy. "For your information, I _was _asleep, thanks."

"After that much tea? I think not," Kidoumaru snorted, just as someone with a fist the size of a soup pot knocked on the door.

"Oi, Shikamaru? Are you busy? Can I talk to you a minute?"

The chuunin levered himself up off the couch. The voice, and the accompanying chakra resonance, belonged to the one person he would never find it troublesome to accommodate. "Chouji, hi. C'mon in."

Then he remembered his two visitors, one of whom had managed to get to the bathroom, snatch his shirt, and reappear back in the main room fully clothed, minus hood, in the space of five seconds.

Chouji had to duck and turn sideways to get through the apartment door. Kidoumaru looked like he was about to make some crack, caught the warning look from Shikamaru, and schooled his face into a blank expression.

It would be easy to understand Chouji being a little distracted, what with upcoming wedding and the fact that he obviously had something on his mind, but the first thing he did was survey the apartment and take note of the other two shinobi within, and Shikamaru gave him mental points for alertness. Then again, Chouji was good at noticing right away what took others a few beats to register; being overlooked himself for a lot of his career had probably contributed. The big special jounin nodded politely if warily to Kidoumaru, waved awkwardly at Kankuro (understandable, from what he knew at this point Kankuro was "Shikamaru's ex's little brother"), and then crowded himself onto the end of the couch his friend wasn't occupying, with some difficulty.

"Huh, didn't realize you had guests, but this makes my job a lot easier. I'm sorry, Ino and I can't have dinner with you tonight."

Kidoumaru still looked blank, but Kankuro ditched his air of the affected casual and sat up a bit, as Shikamaru blinked in surprise. Chouji, like all of his clan, took sharing meals _very _seriously, as Ino had discovered once when she'd tried to skip out on dinner with her future in-laws to conserve her diet (resulting in a future mother-in-law reduced to tears and the only yelling match ever incurred over the course of their relationship). Earthquakes and tidal waves were grounds for calling off a social dinner at the Akimichi compound, _barely._

"Did someone die?"

"It's nothing really _bad, _Shikamaru, just important," Chouji reassured him. "Naruto-sama sent me to get you, and I think Baki-san and that fa—that Jiroubou guy were out looking for you two as well," he added to Kankuro and Kidoumaru. "Naruto-sama's just gotten word that Shino and Kiba are back from Hidden Cloud, and he wants that Uchiha and the Kazekage to hear their report as they make it, along with immediate and trusted members of their delegations."

"That's awfully trusting of him," Kidoumaru remarked, bemused. "Is he naïve or what?"

Chouji frowned. "Naruto-samajust believesthe best ofpeople. Your boss might benefit from doing the same. And like I said, this is important, maybe to this alliance as a whole. Plus, you guys live right next door to Cloud, so it's something that concerns you anyway."

Kidoumaru waved an airy hand at him. "Phht, all the neighbours want to kill us, except you guys. For the moment."

"Can't imagine why," Chouji said. No rancor, no sarcasm, just lack of understanding. "You're so small."

Kankuro got up, hood judiciously tucked into the hole in the side of his shirt so no bandages were visible. "Thanks, I appreciate you telling us that." He opened the doors to the balcony, not looking back at the other three men. "I'd better get going before Temari starts frothing at the mouth. I'll see you two there." A second later he was gone.

Kidoumaru shrugged and waved one undamaged arm at Shikamaru before disappearing himself. Chouji sighed. "I guess it's not just the big jerk, then; all of them have the manners of a tank. Although I suppose growing up they wouldn't have had a very good example to model themselves on, would they?" He looked at Shikamaru, unspoken concern in his eyes. The chuunin absently patted his friend's arm.

"It's okay, Chouji. I've already established that he's kind of mental."

"I'm a little worried about that Kankuro, too."

"Chouji..."

The big special jounin shrugged and made an effort to smile, although it came out a little lopsided. "Sorry, don't mean to be overprotective. You're entitled to hang out with who you like, especially considering I haven't, you know, been there for you very often lately..." He looked away.

"Oi, you're busy preparing for the happiest damn day of your life," Shikamaru scolded him lightly. "All things considered, you and that annoying woman have gone out of your way more than you can afford to for my miserable ass."

Chouji winced. "Yeah...when I said earlier that it wasn't _bad, _I was lying a little because that Kidoumaru guy was there. I don't know if it might disrupt the wedding or not."

Shikamaru leaned forward a bit so he could get a good look at his oldest friend's face. "What's going on? Didn't you say Shino and Kiba and their team came back?"

"No, I...I suppose it wasn't really lying when I said that, because I was being very precise: Shino and Kiba were the _only _ones that made it back."

x x x x x x x x x

_It wasn't supposed to happen..._

_TBC_


	3. Tangling

_Chapter 3: Tangling_

Kankuro checked in at the Sand's embassy to find it empty, except for the two elderly Suna Council retainers who pursed their lips at his tardiness and directed him to the Hokage's tower, with an addendum that Temari-sama was "frothing mad" over his absence and that it would behoove the Yondaime Kazekage's son to conduct himself in a manner more suiting to his station.

He went right back out the second-floor window he'd entered through without another word, in case he said something he'd regret later. When had it started raising his hackles so violently to be associated with his late father?

On arriving at the Hokage's tower, Kankuro found the main door blocked by a tour group of Academy students; not wanting to wade through a sea of kids (and put up with the chorus of "Kitty ears!" that inevitably entailed), he simply went around the back and scaled the wall. It was only when he was just below one of the Hokage's meeting-rooms, when two hands, one pale, one big and callused, shot out of the window and grabbed his head, that he realized this might not have been a good plan.

Two heads poked out the window and looked down on him. "What are you—oh. Sorry, Kankuro-san."

"Yeah, well..." Kankuro muttered, rubbing his scalp as he looked up into Hatake Kakashi's sole visible eye.

"We have stairs, though, you know," Sarutobi Asuma added reprovingly, taking the opportunity to pollute the fresh air with a quick drag on his cigarette.

"You also have a sea of damn kids blocking access. Climbing the wall is easier."

Kakashi smiled (Kankuro thought) and offered him a hand up. "Ah, yes, the weekly tour. I'm afraid they'll be disappointed since Naruto-sama can't show them around the Hokage's offices personally this time, but you know how it is, security and all that. Speaking of which, you're lucky Ibiki didn't get his way on booby-traps for the windowsill or you might have gotten sluiced with acid."

Asuma made a reproving noise through his nose. "Lay off, Kakashi, the man looks sick enough already. Next time, just use the doorbell, okay, Kankuro-san?"

"Naruto installed a _doorbell?" _Kankuro said in disbelief just as two female voices were raised within.

"Kakashi, Asuma, stop screwing with Kankuro and bring him inside, Gaara-sama's been wondering where—"

"Councilwoman Kurenai, what--_There _you are! Idiot, Gaara refused to start the meeting without you!" Temari's stormy face appeared at the window; she elbowed the two amused elite jounin aside and hauled her younger brother bodily through the window into the Hokage's rather crowded main office, ignoring his hissed protests. "Geez, everyone else is already here except that spider guy and Shikamaru...and this is _Shikamaru _we're talking about."

"That "spider guy" has a name, you know," came the distinctly cool voice of Sakon from the adjacent corner of the room, where he, Jiroubou, and Tayuya were standing attendant on either side of the seated Uchiha Sasuke (or rather slouching attendant, since there was apparently some kind of union rule in Sound against serving decorously unless your boss was a Sannin or had a knife to your throat). "And I'm sure he has a good reason for showing up late, as opposed to your brother, who just seems to like making an entrance. Very dignified, by the way," the pale-haired man added, flashing a smile laced with hate in Kankuro's direction. "Very Kabuki, I'm sure."

Kankuro ignored him; if the Sound ninja was still harbouring ill feeling about their fight all those years ago, it was nothing to him, and it would be abject stupidity to start something over petty insults in the Hokage's office. Instead, he looked around at the assembled shinobi; with a few notable exceptions, it was like a reunion of his first chuunin exams. Kakashi and Asuma were hogging the main windowsill for their own purposes, while Baki and Hyuuga Neji were guarding either side of the office doorway. The seats reserved for the two Leaf Councilors were occupied on one side by the elderly Koharu, and on the other by the equally ancient Ebizou, who was talking with Yuuhi Kurenai and apparently thanking the younger Councilwoman for ceding her cushion to him. Tenten was holding a whispering dispute with Rock Lee involving "those rotten health dumplings" (probably why Neji was staying on the other side of the room from them), Gaara had taken another proffered armchair, Hyuuga Hinata stood to one side of the Hokage's desk, Yamanaka Ino stood to the other (with less decorum than her pale-eyed counterpart as she was surreptitiously filing her nails, but both women looked worried and out of sorts) and Haruno Sakura was sitting disgruntled in the Hokage's desk chair, arguing with Uzumaki Naruto, who had seated himself cross-legged on the desk on top of sheaves of paperwork.

"...telling you it's not _right, _Naruto, think of how it looks!"

"Aw c'mon Sakura-chan, you've been on your feet all day since dawn running around the damn hospital, and I spend all my time chained to this stupid desk, it's only fair you get to sit down and take a load off..."

"She's right, idiot,"Sasuke remarked from across the room, eyes narrowing slightly. "You don't look like you're taking this very seriously."

Sakura's jaw tightened, and she didn't look directly at her old team mate as she muttered something barely audible, but she was drowned right out as Naruto growled back at Sasuke. "Dammit, bastard, butt out! She works a _lot _harder than I do most days, so you just _can it_, okay?"

Kankuro nudged Temari and whispered to her as Sasuke's brows knitted together, "Have I missed something here, or did Uchiha go and spit on the Sandaime Hokage's grave when I wasn't looking? Uzumaki looks ready to murder him."

"It's been like that since the meeting started," Temari whispered back. "They've just been getting more and more tense as the talks have been progressing. Hinata, Sakon, and I have managed to defuse most serious fights so far, but..."

"How about Gaara?"

"He's been handling it very well, except for the occasional warning shot using the sand."

"Well, that's one mercy, I guess..."

Someone was banging on the office door. Baki shifted with lethal speed, only to pause when Neji held up a hand, the veins around his eyes popping. "It's Chouji and Shikamaru."

"Finally! Hey Neji, let 'em in so we can get started with this."

"Kidoumaru of the Sound is still not here," Koharu remarked in a tremulous voice, her still-sharp eyes flickering around the room.

Sasuke glanced up and to his left at the same time as Kakashi said cheerfully, "You wouldn't think so, Koharu-sama, but he's been up in the southwest room corner for the last two minutes. Clever, I'm sure."

"Jackass," Tayuya said without looking up as Kidoumaru's genjutsu shimmered and the spider-nin appeared over her head. "I bet he could hear you fucking snickering to yourself up there from across the room."

Kidoumaru smirked and directed a mocking wave to the room at large. He didn't pause to look at either Kankuro or the Nara in the doorway, the puppeteer thought, which was unusually decorous for him.

Shikamaru ambled past Neji with a nod, taking in the room with a quick glance as Chouji ducked his head to get through the door. "So we're the last ones here. Sorry, Naruto-sama, that was my fault."

"I suppose someone's got to take up the mantle of showing up late for everything, since all my dear former students seem to be obsessively punctual," Kakashi commented, as Asuma and Kurenai rolled their eyes in near unison. "Naruto-sama?"

"Yeah, yeah, _geez, _Kakashi-sensei, you keep talking like that and Granny Koharu'll _never _feel secure enough to pass on that Council seat to you and retire." Naruto ignored the old woman's huff of displeasure and winked at her, his mood apparently improving. "Aw, don't worry, he'll straighten up eventually, especially if Gai-sensei keeps after him about Setting a Good Example in the Summertime of His Maturity and that. Then you'll be able to step down and catch up on your gardening!"

"Naruto-sama, _please, _try to stay focused," Kurenai said warningly.

"Oh yeah, hah, sorry, right." The smile disappeared from the Rokudaime Hokage's face; he was all business now, and having known him since his much younger days, Kankuro found the sudden transformation startling. "First thing you should all know is, I sent out Kiba, Shino, and three others on their mission to Cloud, not to gather intelligence on Cloud's platoon movements, but to spy on a daimyo called Zurui Takurami."

"I know of that man," Sasuke interjected. "He's supposed to be some kind of scholar or something."

"A historian," Gaara corrected the Uchiha quietly. "He specializes in the documentation of Hidden Cloud's military history, apparently as a personal hobby. Notable only becausewhere other lords engage in political maneuvering, he is apparently content with his academic hobbies, although he's built up the impressive family fortune through long-term investments and a lack of grand living. I met him briefly when he came to study Suna's archives. Why him?"

"He's got this brother, Zurui Honshin, who _I've _met. The guy's not a bad opponent and he's straightforward enough in a fight, but he's convinced that Cloud is ultimately the best of the five shinobi nations and that peace makes 'em weak."

"Zurui Honshin, the chakra-powered moron," Sasuke murmured. "I've had the pleasure of meeting him, too, the blunt-headed idiot. He makes _you _look like a philosopher king."

"I'm gonna take that as a compliment, ya jackass, especially considering he's been bumping off the Raikage's retainers these last few months, not to mention the guy who was second in line for the Lightening Shadow's hat."

_That _made most of the room's occupants, including Gaara and Sasuke, sit up straight and take notice. "What?"

"Yeah, I couldn't believe it either, but the signs were pointing in that direction, although there wasn't any solid evidence, which is why he hasn't been executed for treason yet. I figured Honshin wasn't the kind of guy who could pull that off, and the only person in his circle who _does _have the brains to start orchestrating a coup right under the Raikage's nose is his little brother, Takurami. And if Honshin managed to become Raikage..."

"He'd lead Hidden Cloud into a war," Gaara said flatly, "probably with the Leaf, crushing the Sound in the process."

"He would _try, _and find that we have a tendency to crush back," Sasuke remarked blandly, although his entire body was wired with tension. The Sound Four nodded with various degrees of vehemence.

Gaara just shrugged. "I meant no offense, but you're still a young nation, and you lack established strength, Sharigan eye or not. That is not to say you couldn't do serious damage to Hidden Cloud—they are currently in a major economic recession right now, worse than the one Sand had a decade ago, which is why Zurui Honshin's ideas may not meet many objections from either the shinobi or civilian populace—but they would still eventually win, and then the result would be Sound's destruction and a border war between the Leaf and Cloud, with the potential for Mist and Sand to be drawn in as well on the alliance principle, events I'm sure we're all anxious to avoid. It could start another ninja world war."

Kankuro suppressed a sudden urge to go pat his younger brother on the back in front of all and sundry; it wouldn't be dignified, and Temari's spontaneous, proud grin was probably enough, although it vanished quickly as Gaara's words sank in.

"Yeah, that's pretty much what Granny Koharu and Kurenai-sensei said," Naruto agreed, his voice lowering, "but they used bigger words and diagrams. Kiba, Shino, Aburame Yuuko, Aburame Kuru, and Akado Morihito were dispatched to his castle at Hinoame in Lightening Country to snoop around a bit and see what was going on; I figured the Aburames could use the bugs to deal with going through his personal documents, while Kiba and Morihito could handle any bodyguards or nasty surprises that came up."

"You're using the past tense," Gaara remarked.

"Yeah, well...I was wrong, and now Yuuko's boyfriend and Kuru's grandchildren didn't even have anything to cremate for the funeral, and the Akado's neighbours are bein' nicer to 'em because Morihito's sacrifice apparently redeems the family's tainted honour from that thing with Yoroi or some such, which I'll bet is a real fucking comfort to his daughter when her daddy isn't coming home at night." Naruto was digging his fingers into his knees now, the entire line of his back wired with tension, yellow bangs hiding his eyes. "Kiba was nearly dead from blood loss, Shino was in shock, and Shizune-neechan's probably still trying to stabilize 'em." Hinata drew in a sharp breath then, reaching out with a sudden jerk of her arm towards Naruto; Sakura quickly intercepted her, holding the other woman's arm back in a gentle grip until she got herself under control and assumed a neutral expression again.

"So then they will be unable to give the report themselves," Sasuke said, half to himself. "What could have routed three Aburame parasitic bug experts, a master of the Akado chakra-leeching style, and an Inuzuka berserker?"

Kidoumaru was speaking quietly to Tayuya from his perch on the ceiling; she jerked an insolent thumb in Naruto's direction, and he responded with a nod before speaking up. "Hey, you said the two Aburame who bought it, their families won't have anything for the funeral."

"I just said that, yeah," Naruto growled, looking up through red but dry eyes. "Whoever attacked the team in that fucking castle even kept the bodies, used Morihito's as bait to lure Kiba into a coordinated jounin sneak attack."

"With the Akado, I could see where that would be a problem," Kidoumaru mused, more towards Sasuke, who was looking up at his subordinate with a nose wrinkled in bemusement, "but I thought the Aburame funeral procedure was for the insects to immediately eat the corpse and then seek out the nearest available clansmen, attach to him, then participate in the funeral with the rest of the clan's bugs on behalf of the deceased. Didn't that get started because the Aburame parasite insects could outline the circumstances of their host's death very precisely...?"

"The Aburame haven't gotten Kuru and Yuuko's bugs back yet," Naruto said harshly with an abrupt nod.

"I heard that's supposed to be impossible, though. The Aburame's swarm will split up totally to increase the chances of at least a few of them escaping whatever killed their host and passing the information on to the clan. My spiders have gotten their webs ruined by parasite bugs trying to get back to the main swarm of the clan, they'll just go right through like a buzzsaw. What the hell is efficient enough to kill not only an Aburame but his entire swarm as well?"

"Whatever it is, Zurui Takurami has employed it," Kurenai said suddenly, breaking the moment of silence. "We can safely assume that, considering the reaction to Kiba and Shino's team's infiltration, he has something to hide, something he is willing to hire extremely dangerous shinobi to protect from prying eyes. Shino caught a brief glimpse of what was apparently a copy of one of the Raikage's murdered retainers' confidential travel itinerary, before he was attacked. This is, we feel, enough to warrant his removal from the equation; without him, Honshin's efforts to overthrow the current Raikage will not succeed."

"If you want him assassinated," Sasuke said calmly, "why have you not already sent an ANBU team out?"

"We want this to be a joint effort, to show willing for the alliance," Koharu said. "Also, I'm certain the Hokage would prefer the input of his allies when selecting an assassination squad...and I believe that the qualifications he is seeking in a potential squad are not to be found among our ANBU, most valued though they are," she added with a nod towards Neji and Tenten, who bowed respectfully in return.

Naruto didn't hesitate. "This guy Takurami is smart, and he hired something ruthless enough to wipe out Yuuko, Kuru, and Morihito, and they were all excellent ninjas, so that takes brains in the hired killers as well as brawn. We need people who can use maximum stealth but handle a wide range of attackers at the same time; a small number, around three, who can act like a larger number. And they've gotta be smart, too, gotta deal with a situation we don't understand well and enemies whose weaknesses we aren't well aware of. Alright, Gaara, Sasuke, you two got any questions or suggestions?"

"I'm surprised you didn't volunteer yourself, dobe," Sasuke remarked, weaving his fingers together under his chin. Kankuro thought he vaguely recognized the gesture; the Uchiha had come to a conclusion already, but he didn't particularly like it. He looked over at Gaara, whose dark-rimmed eyes were narrowed; it looked like his little brother had decided as well.

For the first time in the exchange, Naruto stopped looking serious and pulled a sour face. "Yeah, that was..."

"His chief surgeon threatened to kill him if he did," Sakura remarked acidly, giving Naruto a good sharp tug on the back of his robes. "Especially considering your idea of camouflage colouring is bright orange."

"Good," Sasuke said to her, rather than to her hands, and then looked shocked at himself. Sakura and Naruto both blinked. Sakon raised an eyebrow.

"Um..."

"I assume you've got someone in mind," Sasuke added, recovering himself quickly. "Three agents, one per Hidden Village, correct?"

"Uh, yeah, I was thinking—Shikamaru, you up for it?"

All eyes swung around to fix on the chuunin Academy teacher, who didn't bother to hide a grimace of disgust. "Ah, hell. I suppose there's no getting out of this one, is there..."

Ino promptly and loudly overrode him. "Hey, Naruto-sama, I know this is supposed to be a co-operative effort, but if it has to be Shikamaru, then can Chouji and I go with him? No one else will be able to kick his tail into gear otherwise."

Naruto started. "What? No! Ino, I can't do that, Chouji's not too great at stealth and you can only possess one person at a time and—and geez, your wedding's in two weeks, I can't send you off on a mission _now."_

"You're sending off our best man," Chouji pointed out reasonably, although something about the stubborn set of the big special jounin's face said that he was prepared to be unreasonable if the situation called for it.

"I don't mind if we have to postpone it for a few days or so...please, Naruto?" Ino wheedled, a little desperation creeping into her voice.

Koharu got in before Naruto could protest further. "Ino, this is a cooperative effort to secure the alliance, it is _not _feasible for yourself and Chouji to go as well, and in case you have forgotten yourself, Naruto is the Hokage..."

"But—"

"Dammit, Granny Koharu, I _told _you I don't care about that kind of—"

"Ino, Chouji, cut it out," Shikamaru interjected over the sudden hubbub, crossing his arms firmly. "I'll accept the Hokage's request and whoever goes with me."

Ino opened her mouth to protest again, then shut it as Chouji went to her and put a big hand gently on her shoulder. "Okay, Shikamaru. Sorry for butting in." Nevertheless, she muttered something rebellious and got a poke in the ribs from Sakura for her troubles.

"Pig, hush up before you trample his masculine ego even more."

"I _know _that, gigantic forehead," Ino hissed at her, "but we don't even know who the other—"

"Kidoumaru," Sasuke said sharply, garnering stares from the rest of the room. "If the dobe's going to send a chuunin, I suppose we'll have to compensate on our end, although I can ill afford to lose one of my bodyguards."

Kidoumaru responded with a deranged grin that made several people's eyes narrow. "As you command, Sasuke-sama...heh, better luck next time, guys, sorry."

"Yeah, I'll just bet you are," Tayuya said laconically as Sakon sneered up at his comrade and Jiroubou pulled a face. "Push the shit-rat off a cliff for me if you get a chance, will ya?"

"Charming," Shikamaru muttered, as Naruto glared suspiciously at the Sound delegation.

"Hey, hey, don't even joke about that! Geez, bastard, he'd better not even _think _about—"

"He won't," Sasuke said abruptly. "Kidoumaru is substantially more reckless with his own life than with those of his teammates. The only person he is likely to harm through fooling around is himself."

"And there you have Sasuke-sama's version of the Ringing Endorsement," Sakon murmured up to Kidoumaru. "Have fun."

Gaara nodded. "Temari..."

His sister blinked. "Hm? Me?"

"...I need you to stay here with me and Baki. Please swear not to destroy half the embassy apartments if I ask Kankuro to go instead."

Temari squinted at her brother. "Did you just wind me up on purpose, Gaara?"

"No. Kankuro?"

The puppeteer shrugged and grinned. "Sure, sounds interesting. When do we leave?"

"Tomorrow morning," Neji said unexpectedly, "at dawn, isn't that correct, Naruto-sama?"

"Neji, Lee, and Tenten are going to Water Country, and their route follows yours about halfway," Naruto explained. "It'll be safer to travel in a six-man group until you leave the Fire Country borders, there's been some reports of weird shinobi running around lately."

"More than the usual number? Joking, joking," Kidoumaru said quickly as Neji turned baleful eyes on him. "Geez, talk about leeching the fun out of a venture—"

Tenten was trying to keep a straight face, but failed. "Ino, Chouji, go take care of Shikamaru, he looks like he's going to crumple up and die right now."

"Very funny," muttered the shadow user, his expression grim. "I can handle puppets and spiders, but traveling with _Lee?_

Hinata delivered a tremulous tap to Naruto's shoulder. "A-ano, Naruto-sama..."

He turned to look at her, saw her expression, and immediately gave her an enthusiastic pat on the shoulder that nearly knocked her out of her formal shoes. "You and Kurenai-sensei should go to the hospital as soon as possible. I bet Kiba's already awake and giving Shino and the nurses hell by now; he'll need you two to thump his stupid head. That said, meeting adjourned, and you three will get the exact mission parameters and what details we have later tonight. C'mon, everybody out, go eat something, it's dinnertime, dammit!"

"_Most _undignified," Koharu muttered, getting to her feet with Kurenai's careful assistance on one side, and Ebizou's on the other, as Hinata hurried from the room. To her apparent shock, the elderly Sand shinobi winked at her.

"I think your Hokage has the right idea; would you be interested in joining me in a cup of sake this evening, Madam Councilwoman?"

"I beg your pardon? Asking me in public, in front of all these people...?"

"Bah, my sister used to say she was too old for shame, and now I see what she meant by that! So, is it a date?"

Kurenai let go of Koharu's arm and was promptly accosted by Asuma, although not obviously. The two of them fell into step as they left the office; Ino responded by grabbing Shikamaru and Chouji and towed them out, yelling back over her shoulder at Sakura to go get something to eat before she even _thought _of going back to that hospital again. After a concert of astounded looks at Ebizou and Koharu (the latter was walking out flustered, but so far hadn't moved to turn her Sand counterpart down or push him away), Baki and the Sand siblings left in a jumble with Team Gai, who, as Kankuro discovered from Tenten, were also headed to the hospital to visit their old teacher and team namesake, who'd apparently done something Gate-related and broken several limbs.

Kankuro hung back at the head of the stairs for a moment and listened as the Sound delegation trooped out; he caught Sakon's voice raised in aggravation, a pithy comment from Kidoumaru, and scathing interruption from Tayuya, before Sasuke's voice carried over all of them.

"Go ahead without me. There's something I need to talk to them about."

"Are you sure you'll be alright, Sasuke-sama?"

"This is not something you need to concern yourself with. Go ahead and eat without me, I could barely hear Naruto ranting over the sound of Jiroubou's stomach growling."

"It's not _that _loud," the biggest Sound ninja protested, and the next minute there was nothing, and then the click of the office door closing firmly. Kankuro shrugged—whatever Sasuke and his old team wanted to talk about was none of his business, and his partners for this new assignment had given him a number of other things to think about—and raced down the stairs after his brother and sister.

x x x x x x x x x x

Shikamaru made himself comfortable on the designated smoking bench outside Konoha Hospital, sandwiched between Chouji and Asuma. Their old teacher had excused himself for a cigarette, and Chouji and Shikamaru had followed because the noise level in Kiba and Shino's hospital room, not to mention the lack of space, was troublesome to say the least.

It would have been convenient to blame Ino, since it was at her insistence that they'd gone to visit the injured members of Team 8, but Shikamaru suspected Asuma's motives in wanting to be there to comfort Kurenai, whose Councilwoman's poise had slipped somewhat after they'd left the Hokage's tower.

And of course there was the fact that the three of them found the hospital room very cramped.

It was probably Gai's fault. He'd apparently heard from one of his nurses about the mission disaster and dragged himself down the hall on his crutches to provide whatever assurances he could to the two of them until their sensei and their Hyuuga partner were able to come see them; this had somehow turned into playing Scrabble with the even-more-uncommunicative-than-usual Shino, with Akamaru and Kiba as the peanut gallery. Hinata had worked around Gai somehow and was on Kiba's bed sharing tea with him, while he grumbled in a distressingly weak voice about shitty hospital food. Kurenai eschewed a chair and used Akamaru for a seat; the now-gigantic ninken had refused to leave Kiba while he was being treated, creating an obstacle for the doctors and, as Asuma remarked blithely, a couch for the visitors.

The arrival of Lee and Tenten, with the taijutsu master bearing a huge get-well bouquet for his teacher ("Yellow roses?!" Ino had howled as she crowded onto Kiba's bed next to the serene Hinata, "Do you even know what you're doing, Lee?"), only made matters worse; Chouji, figuring himself the second-biggest obstacle besides Akamaru, made his excuses and ducked out, followed by Asuma and Shikamaru.

Asuma flicked ash off the end of his cigarette onto the concrete. "What a zoo in there. Put Gai, Kiba, and Ino in the same room, and it's a house party; I have no idea how Kurenai stays so calm in all that."

"She and Hinata seem pretty happy to have Kiba and Shino back alive," Chouji observed, fiddling with his fingers uncomfortably. Normally he would have pulled out a bag of chips, but he'd agreed to give them up for the months before the wedding, and Ino for her part was quitting smoking for good, a move which Asuma thoroughly approved of but refused to emulate. "They were lucky, I guess. Shikamaru..."

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry Ino and I got involved back there at the Hokage's office and made you look bad. I mean, she won't say it, but I know she's sorry too."

Shikamaru shrugged and patted the bulk of his friend's bicep affectionately. "Don't worry. If I were concerned about my reputation then I'd make more of an effort not to be a lazyass...and I appreciate the thought behind it."

Chouji grinned. "Ah, well...you just make sure to come back alright. In time for the wedding would be a bonus, but alive is more important."

Shikamaru threw a casual salute. "Hey, you're the bridegroom, my wish is your...Asuma-sensei, what are you smiling about?"

"Absolutely nothing," the bearded man deadpanned, the burn scars on his face shifting as he grinned. "Except that it's a nice night, my team's intact and alright, and the woman I love keeps trying to get me to quit smoking."

"And will you?"

"Not the next time she asks me, no."

Chouji chuckled and then pulled a sad face. "Poor Kurenai-sensei, she's so tolerant of you and she gets so little in return."

"Does she pick up your dirty socks, too?" Shikamaru asked with a half-smirk.

Asuma's "playful shove" nearly threw both his former students off the bench. "Not a chance. A real man does his own laundry, or didn't you kids know that? Anyway, she knows when I'll quit, and it's not so far off that she can't keep chasing me onto the balcony when I have to feed my nicotine cravings."

Shikamaru looked at the older man sharply. "Not so far off? How soon?"

"I don't know exactly, but you three will be the second to know when, alright?" At that moment, a Scrabble tile fell from on high and bounced off Asuma's head; the bearded man rolled his eyes, ground his cigarette out, and looked up. "Oi, what gives?"

"Asuma-sensei, Gai-sensei can't come to the window because of the crutches and Akamaru," rang out the voice of Lee, "but he wants to know are you done polluting your lungs yet because you really should come back up and be Youthful and Romantic in the Summertime of your Love with Kurenai-sensei!"

"More or less," added Tenten from the window, "we think it's because she and Shino are kicking his butt at Scrabble. He's up to three thousand one-armed pushups as forfeit and counting. Oh, and Chouji, I think Ino's gone and raided Sakura's office while we weren't looking."

"It's okay," Chouji reassured the ANBU weapons-mistress, "I think now I know what that bouquet of daffodils and the four-pack of instant ramen she brought along was for. But we'll come back up anyways."

"We will?" Shikamaru muttered.

"Sure, if only to haul Ino off home. Do you still want to come over, Shikamaru? I can make stir-fry, nothing fancy."

Shikamaru smiled. "Yeah, sure, that'd be great. I'd better call my parents while I'm there and let my old man know why I'm dropping off the face of the earth for the next two weeks, or they'll never let me hear the end of it."

"Asuma-sensei?"

"Hm, no thanks, I'll stick around with Kurenai and go get takeout as needed. It won't run too late, I'm sure...Shino will need to be left alone as much as Kiba needs company right now." Asuma got to his feet. "You guys had better go get Ino before she does something drastic with Sakura's wallpaper."

"Could be worse," Shikamaru shrugged. "Couple months ago she convinced Sai to do an abstract mural on the walls of the autopsy room; Sakura and Shizune insisted it looked like the inside of someone's lower intestine."

x x x x x x x x x

There were sparrows in the attic again.

Tayuya stopped in the doorway of the house designated as Hidden Sound's temporary embassy, so abruptly that Kidoumaru nearly ran into her.

"Oi, Tayuya, what gi--?"

"Shut up and listen," hissed the red-haired woman, tilting her head to the side slightly. The distinctive chirping overhead rid Kidoumaru of his confusion and made him wince.

"Ah, geez..."

"Fucking sparrows again—I swear it's like a fucking plague," Tayuya growled, striding across the room and banging open the closet to rummage about inside. Sakon wove past Kidoumaru into the sitting room and stopped short, bemused.

"Tayuya?"

"Fucking sparrows."

"So what?"

Tayuya emerged with a broom and a face like thunder. "Faggot, we're gonna be up to our tits in sparrows this time next week if I don't deal with these fucking things—_what _is so damn funny, fatass?"

Jiroubou blinked as he maneuvered sideways through the door. "Oh...you weren't making a pun? You know, tits as in bluetits, sparrows?"

"Nah, she was just being obscene like always," Kidoumaru said cheerfully. "Better luck next time, Jiroubou."

Sakon had taken up residence on the battered couch, his expression almost as stormy as Tayuya's. "Am I the only one here who's concerned that we've left Sasuke-sama alone in a room with the Kyuubi's vessel and the Copy Ninja, not to mention the woman who destroyed Akasuna no Sasori?"

"Hm...Jiroubou?"

The big earth-user huffed as he ducked into the kitchen. "Frankly, the only danger to Sasuke-sama is if that Haruno woman ditches the 'I'm oh so aloof and over you' act and tries to get into his pants. Or punches him in the jaw, but I doubt she'll be able to seriously harm him."

"Too weak," Tayuya remarked blithely as she wedged herself into the corner of the ceiling and began struggling with the attic trap door. Kidoumaru moved to help her and got a broom to the face for his troubles.

"Too smitten," Jiroubou corrected her with a thin smile. "And Uzumaki can yell and curse and posture all he likes, but he's more likely to castrate himself than to kill—oh."

Sakon's expression was positively poisonous now. The other three members of the Sound Four paused their activities and looked at him as understanding dawned.

Kidoumaru avoided further broom-related assaults and sat cross-legged on the chair across from Sakon, brow furrowed. "Oh come on. You can't seriously think that he'll bail on us just because his old team blathers at him for a while."

Sakon sneered at him balefully. "I never said I thought that, idiot; I'm just concerned that those weaklings will put sentimental ideas into his head if he's alone with them, that's all. I don't want him going soft on us."

Tayuya snorted as she fiddled with the trapdoor's handle. "Like fuck he will. It's _Sasuke-sama, _remember? Sometimes I think he's even more driven than Orochimaru-sama used to be. He's got balls of iron," she added, before crowing with triumph and then coughing as the trap fell open.

"Quit being so vulgar, Tayuya," Jiroubou admonished tiredly from the kitchen.

"When hell freezes over, fatass," she retorted with a smirk before vanishing into the attic, accompanied by the panicked chirping of the makeshift embassy's feathery intruders.

"So you can stop giving me _that _look," Sakon added sharply to Kidoumaru, who rolled his eyes and propped up his chin with one hand. "I'm not worried about Sasuke-sama walking out or something stupid like that, alright?"

"Which of course explains why _our_ blood pressure is currently skyrocketing, Sakon," came the retort from the second head protruding between Sakon's shoulder blades.

"Aniki!" Sakon hissed indignantly as Ukon cracked his stiff neck and maneuvered both arms, a leg, and most of his upper torso out of his younger brother's body. "Your timing's off, dammit!"

"No, in fact it's perfect as usual," Ukon growled warningly at him. "Settle down and wait, will you? I can't believe _I _have to tell _you _that. He'll be back for certain, and we'll ask him then. Although how you could even think _that _I have no idea..."

Sakon looked as if he was composing some sort of return salvo, but a warning look from his twin deflated him, and some calm seemed to return to his demeanor. "Huh...alright, fine then. I can wait."

"That's better. Is Jiroubou making _okinomiyaki _in there? He'd better be putting mushrooms in."

Up in the attic, Tayuya's footsteps thundered back and forth, accompanied by muffled cursing from kunoichi and sparrows alike. There was a pause in the racket, and she stuck her head down from the trapdoor. "Shit! The little bastards up here are persistant, and the broom's not working."

"I could summon a spider brood," Kidoumaru offered.

"No fucking spider broods, freak! I'd have asked you to do that long ago, except I think these damn things are part of that obnoxious dickhead Aoba's summoned flock, so I can't kill 'em. Pass me my flute, will ya?"

Kidoumaru tossed Tayuya's only weapon up in the air; it spun lazily a few times before a callused hand lashed out and caught it.

"Perfect. Now, you little shits, let's see how you like 'C Sharp'..."

Ukon exchanged a look with Sakon and the two of them plugged their ears. Kidoumaru quickly blocked his ear canal with a thin layer of spider armour, as Jiroubou grabbed a pillow off the couch and covered his head with it. In the kitchen, a glass measuring cup cracked. A cloud of brown birds shot out of the rafters and attic vents, racing low over the front garden and across the neighbouring fields as fast as their small wings could carry them, cheeping in panic the entire way. In seconds they were all gone.

Tayuya jumped down from the trap door, smug to beat all, leaving her flute and climbing back up with a toolbox. "Much better. Now to repair those holes so the fucking things don't come back in..."

"Oi, Kidoumaru."

The spider-nin glanced up at Ukon. "Huh?"

"I was listening in at that meeting. So you've been saddled with lazy trash and that puppeteer bastard."

Sakon's head jerked around. "Aniki--!"

"Sakon wants that guy's head," Ukon carried on as if his younger brother wasn't there. "Personally, I don't care much either way. What's done is done; I was careless then, and lucky to get away with only a lost eye."

Kidoumaru couldn't stop himself from wincing, and Sakon almost, _almost _flinched. It had been seven years since the younger twin had needed to complain about people confusing him with his brother, although they still parted their hair on opposite sides and Sakon still had his necklace. Outsiders now found it simple to tell Ukon from Sakon; aside from a few smaller scars on his face and hands from Karasu's poisoned blades, the side of Ukon's face was disfigured by a long, healed gash, regenerated tissue covered the hollow where his left eye had once been. Nobody, not even Tayuya, had ever commented on the sickening irony of the situation, and gradually everyone had gotten used to it. Except Sakon.

"In any case," Ukon went on stubbornly, ignoring his younger brother's glaring at the floor, "I don't care about that, hell, you can deal with that bastard as you like. All I'm saying is don't get the stupid idea that you should protect either of those two."

Kidoumaru shrugged and tried to wave the remarks away, but his smile withered under Ukon's piercing gaze. "Hah, nothing to worry about there. They wouldn't be worth my time if I needed to babysit them."

"Nice try. If either of them get themselves into something they can't handle, leave them for dead and get out. Got it?"

Kidoumaru raised an eyebrow. "Okay, _that's _just a bit much. If I can—"

"Don't argue with us," Sakon put in sharply. "Just use those brains of yours to protect your _own _hide for once."

Being glared at threateningly by both twins was a novel experience for Kidoumaru; usually if one of them was pissed at him, the other would be devil's advocate and act in his defense. Apparently they had both decided he needed his ear ripped off. He compensated for his uncomfortable state by sneering. "Yes, mothers. Anyone else want to comment? Speak now or shut the hell up about it."

Tayuya poked her head down from the trapdoor. "Hey, I told you before I don't give a damn about that shit-rat. It's old news to me anyway—oh. Sasuke-sama's coming back."

Sakon managed to convey no particular urgency in his fluid movement from sitting still to standing casually by the door in the blink of an eye. Nevertheless, Tayuya snorted loudly into the sudden silence caused by Jiroubou and Kidoumaru both straining their considerable powers of hearing. A minute later, Sasuke opened the door, his face unreadable.

"You must be getting slower, Sasuke-sama," Sakon drawled, seemingly unperturbed. "Don't tell me those three kept you interested for so lo—"

"Tayuya, Jiroubou, get yourselves organized," Sasuke cut his right-hand man off. "You're going back to Sound first thing tomorrow morning."

Instant consternation reigned.

"_What? _But I'm not even closed to finishing dinner, dammit..."

"Don't tell me the talks failed?"

"So did you actually lose it and shove a Chidori up Uzumaki's ass or what?"

Sasuke actually snarled. "It has nothing to do with that. A messenger arrived from Hidden Hills while I was talking to...those three. He had a confidential missive from the village's home guard head; about two-thirds of the Dead Watch, seventy shinobi total, revolted and attacked Hill civilians yesterday before deserting the village and moving out towards Sound. The messenger said it was impossible to get into Rice Field country with his warning, since a large number of the Hill missing-nin are harrying the border, so he came here instead."

Tayuya stared at him. "Their little cybernetic freak show walked out? I thought they were bound to that old cow Sairo Izanami by a death pact."

"Pointless now," Sasuke said coldly, "since Sairo Izanami's dead, and they don't consider her chosen successor as legitimate."

_"Shit," _hissed Sakon. "If that's the case, _I _should be the one to go back. They'll need—"

_"I _need you and Ukon here," Sasuke cut him off. "You've been juggling Temari and Hinata since we got here."

"That's as may be, but I've been itching to crush some heads for _weeks _on end now..."

"Sakon."

He clenched his fists ferociously, just once, before relaxing his hands again with a thin, mirthless smile. "Sorry, Sasuke-sama. Of course I'll stay here."

"I'd expect. If I'm going to lose three of the Four then the one that remains behind and covers all the angles has to be you."

"And in case you missed it, Sakon, that _was _the ringing endorsement," Kidoumaru remarked, only to be silenced by a glower from Ukon, who was still awake and listening carefully to the proceedings.

Sasuke snorted. "You try keeping that sense of humour over the next three days. You're traveling with Hyuuga Neji: I know him, he has his own kind of honour and he won't stab you in the back, but he'll test you and take your measures inch by inch, all three of you, and if he doesn't like what he finds then you'll be the first to suffer for it."

Kidoumaru wrinkled his nose, his previous amusement evapourating. "It's not for him to measure me, and anything he dishes out, I'll take it and throw it right back in his face..."

"You'll do no such thing. You'll watch him right back, and this time you won't underestimate his abilities."

Kidoumaru chewed his lip, longing to reply, but the time for caustic retorts had passed: the situation in Oto was now volatile, Sasuke was in a dangerous mood from both that and the meeting with his former team, and the weight of his commands was inexorable. They had entered Do Not Fuck Up Territory, as Sakon charmingly referred to it.

"As for the others in that group—Jiroubou, Tayuya. Rock Lee and Tenten have every reason to distrust you, but they're both honourable people and an asset in combat, try not to antagonize them. I know your history with Kankuro's sister, Tayuya—_and _yours, Sakon, stop snarling—but keep it out of the equation. The same with Nara Shikamaru, and Jiroubou, don't mention Akimichi or make remarks. He'll end up the strategic lynchpin if something goes wrong, and he may leave you out of things..."

"No he won't."

Sasuke gave Kidoumaru a bleak look; the spider shinobi returned it. "An expert opinion?"

"He won't," Kidoumaru repeated. "He'll assume himself responsible for all of our safety whether he likes the people involved or not. Or didn't you know that?"

Sasuke regarded him for a few moments longer, and then he smiled. "Yes."

Tayuya waved a dismissive hand. "Whatever. We'll play nicely with those sacks of shit for as long as we have to, but priority goes to getting to Otogakure but fast."

"Kidoumaru can convince the puppet guy and that Nara to make a stopover there prior to moving on to Cloud," Jiroubou added, "just in case." His broad brow furrowed. "I don't like that, though."

"What do you mean?"

"'Strategic lynchpin'," Jiroubou repeated, his gaze hard. "We're supposed to rely on that guy just because he's smart? Someone that weak shouldn't be depended on..."

It was at that point that Tayuya dropped down out of the ceiling beside him and delivered a sharp kick to his right shin. Jiroubou grunted, more from surprise than real pain, and stared as Tayuya shoved past him, her face hidden by unruly bangs.

"What the _hell _was that about?"

"Shit all, fatass, I'm just going to pack. Goodnight, Sasuke-sama. The rest of you bastards better get some sleep as well." She was gone through the kitchen and into the rooms beyond. Jiroubou stood frozen for another few moments, fingers flexing convulsively as his glare deepened, and then with a snort of dismissive disgust he turned and stormed after her, protocol and Sasuke forgotten.

The Uchiha prodigy made a noise that was half disapproval and half amusement. "Those two...it's best that they go. They have a lot invested in Oto, and neither of them has been comfortable here."

Sakon shrugged. "Whatever you say, Sasuke-sama."

When their leader had gone to his ascetic bedroom, Sakon dropped his thin mask of deference and growled openly. "This is idiocy."

"No it's not," Kidoumaru shot back, "you're just pissed that you missed out on a potential fight. Tayuya's got her genin team back there, and Jiroubou's been looking after some of the reconstruction efforts. Aside from the necessary military angle, you and I haven't really gotten involved with reviving the village."

"Doesn't mean Aniki and I don't have anything _invested _in Oto," Sakon muttered, face dark with resentment.

"I know that, and so does Sasuke-sama, but out of the two of us you've got a flair for diplomacy when you can get your temper under control and when Ukon can be arsed. The female delegates especially seem to like you," Kidoumaru added with a mildly malicious grin. Sakon rolled his eyes in reply. "Me, I'm just another killing machine, so this mission to Cloud's really tailor-made for me: figure out a tactical weakness or three, slaughter enemy ninja en masse, lather, rinse, repeat. It's not a matter of who's a better shinobi, just who can work outside the purely military arena."

"You're an idiot," was all Sakon said.

"But I'm an _accurate _idiot," Kidoumaru amended.

"For the record, if I have to sit through one more meeting with that Hyuuga woman staring at Sakon's feet while she offers us tea, I'll tear the Hokage's tower down stone by stone," Ukon added after a moment's silence. "It's like watching a pedigree hawk peck for breadcrumbs. Disgusting."

"That's the subtle art of politics, just sitting there and watching it. Just think of it this way: you don't have to forever. We'll either secure the alliance beyond breaking, or fuck it up and go right back to the start."

Silence descended again, for quite some time. Finally Sakon broke it with a derisive noise. "Jiroubou, master manipulator—wish he'd get a clue already. Him and Tayuya. They'll be hell to deal with tomorrow morning."

x x x x x x x x

_It wasn't supposed to happen, but it did, and it happened like this..._

TSUZUKU


End file.
